Major Mahon's Story.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1524, 26 March 1886, Page 3

Major Mahon's Story.

■ Too shall have it, then," said the major, as he squared himself in his chai*, and thus began: "Ofall partialities we Irish have, after wine and the ladies, I believe our ruling passion ia to build a big house spend every shilling that we nave, or that we have not, as the ease may be, in getting it half finished, and then live in a corner of it, just for grandeur aa a body may say. It's a droll notion after all; hot show me the county in Ireland that hasn't at least six specimens of what I mention.

" My house, Newgate, was a beautiful one; and although the sheep lived in the parlour, and the cows in the blue drawing room, Darby Wbaley slept in the boudoir, and two bulldogs and a buck goat kept house in the library, faith, upon the outside, it looked very imposing, and not one that saw it from the high road to Eunis—and you could see it for twelve miles io ever? direction-—but didn't say, * That Mahon must be a snug fellow ; look what a beautiful place he has ot it there T Little they knew that it wis safer to go up the ' Keeks' than my grand staircase, and it was like rope-dancing to pass from one room to the other.

M Well, it wu iboot four o'clock in the afternoon of a dark, leaden day in December, that I wag treading homewards, in no Terr good humour, for, except a brace and a half of snipe, and a grey plorer, 1 had met with nothing the whole day. The night was falling fast, 10 I began to hurry on aa quickly aa I could, when I heard a loud about behind me, and a voice called out:

•••It's Bob Mahon, boys. By the HUI of Scariff we are in luck.' I turned about, and what should I see but a parcel of fellows in red coats j they were the Bister*. There was Dan Lambert, Tom Burke, Harry Eyre, Joe M'Mahon, and the rest of them—fourteen souls in all. They had come down to draw a cover of Stephen Blake's, about ten miles from me, but in the strance mountain country, they lost the dogs, they lest their way, and their temper; in truth, to all appearance, they lost everything but their appetites. Their horses were dead beat, too, and they looked as miserable a crew as ever you set eyes on.

••«Isn't it locky, Bob, that we found you at home P' said Lambert.

•••They told us you were away,' •aid Burke. •"Some aid you were grown so pioua that you never went out except on Buudaye,' added old Harry with a grin. - • Begad,' aaya I, •aa to the luck, I won't aay much for it, for here's all I Can give you for your diurer.' •"And so 1 pulled out the four birds and shook them it them.

•' • And aa to the ptnty. tr..th, may* be you'd like to k« ep a fast with as devoted ton of the church as myself *' But iin't that JSewgate up there ?' aaid one. •••Thitiame.'

M ' And you don't mean to aay that inch a big place aa that hasn't a good larder aod a fine cella* ? '

■•■ fou're right,' aaid I; • and they re both full at this vary moment—the on* with seed potatoes and the other with Whitehaven coals.'

" H*ve you not got aay bacon P' •aid Mahon

"' Ou yea,' Mid I; • there's bacon.'

- ' And eggs ?' said another. '"For the natter of that, you might swim in batter.'

H, Come, come,' tad Dan Lambert j 1 we're not to badly off, after all." »Is there whisky P' cried Eyre. " • Ber*nty.three gallons that never paid the King sixpence !' "As I Mid this, they gave three cheers you'd hare heard a mile off. After about twenty minutes' walking we got np to the house, and when poor Darby opened the door, I thought he'd faint, for, you see, the red coats made him think it was the army coming to take me away,and he was for running off to rise the country, when t caught him by the neck. " It's the Blsiert, ye old fool,' said I. ' The gentlemen are come to dine SS*i

M ' Hurroo !' said he, clipping his hands »n his knees; ' There must be great distress, entirely, d»wn about Xenagh and them parts, or they'd never think of coming u,> here for a bit to eat.'

- • Which way lie the stables, Bob ?' ■aid Burke

••«Leave all that to Darby,' said I; for, you see, he has only to whittle and brio:; up at many people as be liked—and aa be did, tm • and m there was room for a cavalry regiment, the horse* were anon bedded down and comfortable, and in ten minutes' time we were all fitting pleasantly rouni a big fire, waiting for the rashers and eggs. "' Now, if you'd like to wash your hands before dinner, Lambert, come along with me.' "' By all c cans,' said he. " The others were standing up, too; but, I observed, that as the bouse was Urge, and the ways to it unknown to them, it was better to wait till I'd come back for them. •"This waa a real piece of good lock, Bob,' said Dan, aa he followed me upstairs;' capital quarters we're fallen into; and what a mug bedroom ye hare hen* M * Tea,' said I, careleasly \ it's one of tkw mil ipomr-thttt tit «|kt lito

this, and fife Urge ones, plainly furnished, m vou see; but for the present you know ' 14 ' Oh, begad! I wish for nothing better. Let me sleep here, the other fellows may care for your four-posters with utin hangings.' ••' Well,' said I, ■ if you are really not joking, I may tell you that the room is one of the warmest in the house.' And this was telling no lie •' Here I'll sleep,' said he, rubbing bis hands with satisfaction, and giving the bed a most affectionate look, 4 And now let us join the rest.' "When I brought Dan down I took up Burke, and after him M'Mahon and so on to the last; but every time I entered the parlour I found them all bestowing immense praises on my house, and each fellow ready to bet he had got the best bedroom.

" Dinner soon made its appearance; for if the cookery was not very perfect it was at least wonderfully expeditious. There were two men cutting rashers, two more frying them in the pan, and another did nothing else but break the eggs, Darby running from the parlour to the kitchin and back again as hard as he could Uvt.

'* Do you know, now that many a time since, when I have been giving venison, and Burgundy, and claret enough to swim a lifeboat in, I often thought it was a cruel waste of money; for the fellows weren't half as pleasant as thev were that evening on bacon and whisky ! « I've a theory on that subject, Hinton, I'll talk to y-m more about some other time; I'P only observe now that I'm sure we all over-feed our company. There is something heroic in eating your mutton chop or your leg of turkey among jolly fellows. Lord bless you, I've laughed more over redherrings and pntteen than I ever expect to again overy turtle and tokay. " My guests were, to do them justice, a good illustration of this theory. A pleasanter and a merrier party never sat down together. We had good songs, good stories, plenty of laughing and plenty of drink ; until at last poor Darby became so overpowered by the fumes of the hot water, I suppose, that he was obliged to be carried up to bod and so we were compelled to boil the kettle in the parlour. This, I think, precipitated matters; for, by some mistake, they put punch into it iustead of water, and the more you tried to weaken the liquor, it was only the more tipsy you were petting. " About two o'clock five of the pirty were under the table, throe more were nodding backwards and forwards like insane pendulums, and the rest were mighty noisy, and now and then rather disposed to be quarrelsome.

M ' Bob/ said Limbert to mo in a whi»p*r, 'if it's the sam- thing 1o you I'll slip away and get into bed.' "' Of courae. if you won't take anything more Just mak* yourself at home; and as you don't know the way here, follow me!' " ' I'm afraid,' said he, «I'd not find my way alone.' 14 • 1 think,' aaid I,' * it's very likely. But come along.' " I walked Upstairs before him ; but Instead of turning to the left, I went the other way, till I came to the door of the large room, that I haw told you alreadv wns over the big drawing mom. Just as T put my hand on th* lock 1 contrived to blow out the candle, as if it were the wind.

"' What a draught there is here,' said I, • but just step in, and I'll go for a licht.' " Ho did as he was bid ; but instead of finding himself on my beautiful little carpet, down he went fourteen feet into the hay at the bottom ! " I looked down after him for a minute or two. and then called out i rt •As t am doing the honours of Newgate, the least I could do was to show you the drop. Good night, Dan ! But let me advise you to get a little further from the door, as there are more coming." " Well, sir, when they missed Dan *nd me out of the room, two or three more stood up and declared for bed also.

" The first I took up was Ffrench, of Green Park ; for, indeed, he wasn't a 'cute fellow at the best of times ; and if it wasn't that the hay was so low, he'd never have guessed it was not a feather bed till be Woke in the morning Well, down he Went. "Then came Erre! Then Joe Mahon—two and twenty stone—no less.

M Lord pitv them ! this was a great shock entirely !

" But when I opened the door for Tom Burke, upon my conscience you'd think it was a pandemonium th*»T hal rtSwn there They were Ajhtine like devils and roaring with all their might,

**' Good night, Tom/ said T, pushing Burke forward, • It's the cowa you hear underneath'

"' Cows !' said he, 'if they're Cows, begad they must have got at that seventy-three gallons of potteen you talked of } for they're all drunk.' * With that he snatched the candle out of my Band, and looked down into the pit. " Never was such a sight seen before or since. Dan was pitching into poor Ffrencb, who, thinking he had an enemv before him, was hitting out manfully at an old turf creel that rocked and creaked at every blow, m he called out t

•"I'll smash you I Til ding your ribf for you, you infernal icoundrel!'

"Eyre was struggling in the hay, thinking he was swimming for his life; and poor Jolm Mahon was patting him on the head, and saying. ' Poor fellow! good dog !' for he thought it was Towser, the bull terrier, that was prowling round the calves of his legs. ' If they don't get tired, there'll not be a man of thorn alive by the morning,' said Tom as he closed the door. ' And now, if you'll allow me to sleep on the carpet, I'll take it as a favour.'

" By this time they wore all quiet in the parlour, so I lent Tom a couple of blankets and a bolster, and having locked my door, went to bod with an easy mind and a quiot conscience. To be sure, now and then a cry would burst forth, as if they were killing somebody below stairs, but I soon fell asleep, and heard no more of them. "By day break next morning they made their escape, and when I was trying to wake, at half-pist ten, I found Colonel M*Morris, ot the Mayo, with a message from the whole four. "* A bad businees this, Captain Mahon,' said he. *My friends have been shockingly treated.' "' It's mighty hard.' snM I,' to want to shoot me because I hain't fourteen feather beds in the house

"' They will bo the laugh of the whole country, sir.' " ' Troth !' said I,' if the country is not in very low spirits, I think thev will' '•' There's not a man of them can see ; their eyes are aciually closed up' 11 ' The Lord be praised!' said I. «It's not likely they'll hit me.'

" But to make a *h<»rt story of it, out we went. Tom Burke was my friend.

" I could scarce hoM my pistol with laughing, for such faces no man ever looked at ; but for sJr-preserva. tion sake I thought it be<t to hit one of them, so I just pinked Ffreuch a little.

"' Come, Lambert,' said the Colonel ' it's your turn now.' "•'Wasn't that Lambert,' said I, •that I hit?'

" ' No,' sain 1 he ; ' that was Ffrench.' " • Begad! I'm sorow for it. Ffrench my dear fellow, excuse mp, for, you see you're all so like each other about the eyes this morning " '' With this there was a roar of laughing from them all, in which, I assure you, Lambert took not a very prominent part, for somehow he didn't fancy my polite inquiries after him; and so we all shook hands, and left the ground as good friends as ever, though to this hour the name of Newgate brings less pleasant rec Elections to their minds than if their fathers had been hanged at its prototype."