CASUAL COMMENTS.

Lyttelton Times, Volume CXXIII, Issue 15920, 4 May 1912, Page 4

CASUAL COMMENTS.

(By “ SIMPLICITAS.”) There seems to be quite a “entente cordialo ” between in church and Auckland just now. Hon G. W. Russell Has assured the denizens of the Queen City that Christchurch bears no malice, hatred, or uncharitableness towards her northern sister, and rather admires the harbour. Aucklanders have replied in flowery terms, praisour felicitous flatness au d our quaint indefinable charm, and altogether there is quite an after-dinnerish atmosphere about th 9 mutual relationship of the two cities. This is, of course, all very nice and proper and pleasant—for Auckland. Auckland has almost everything that Christchurch lacks to aid her march of progress, and if Christchurch is going to content herself with generally congratulating more fortunate cities, then verily she has reached the last stage in the descent to civic desuetude. So long a 3 Auckland affected Christchurch like a red rag affects a hull there was hope that something might be don© to remedy the forlorn state of affairs to which the Canal Commissioners have opened our eyes. Now that hope seems to be doomed to disappointment. Why, even apathy is better than this attitude of cheerful resignation.

Tlis 'residents of Sumner hare succeeded in convincing themselves that they deserve veil cf the world in general and the Tramway Board in particular, for living in Sumner. One gentleman at a recent meeting said that every house in Sumner occupied by a family was worth £l6 a year to the Tramway Board. Therefore the Sumnerites resent with burning and enthusiastic resentment a proposal that they should pay increased tram fares. But I fear their arguments rest on false premises. It is no part of the Tramway Board’s duty to encourage people to live several miles outside the city. As a matter of fact the Board would bo much better off financially if every soul in greater Christchurch and the surrounding districts took up residence within the four belts of the city proper. There would be a tremendous reduction in the mileage of the tramways, and a great increase in the revenue per mile of what was loft. And the fares would be very much smaller. If Sumner wants cheap fares it must first increase its population. It must net expect the Tramway Board to help it to . a bigger population, at the expense cf the rest of the tramway area.

The gentlemen who make the selection of news to be cabled to this end of the world from London seem to be obsessed with the conviction that we are panting with anxiety to hear every pearl of wisdom that drops from the lips of Mr Bonnr Law and Mr A. J. Balfour. As a matter of fact, we emit nary a pant. It makes me tired to read the remarks of these estimable Tories on the subject of the Minimum Wage Bill. They seem to admit that the "Bill is the only way out of the coal strike, but profess grave fears that the principle may spread to other industries, in which case, of course, the country’s done for. I estimate that Mr Law or Mr Balfour would last about ten seconds on any public platform in this insignificant and ignorant dominion. Their auditors, unless they wore very elderly members of the Reform Party, or confirmed Farmers’ Unionists, would refuse to give them a fair and impartial hearing. They would sooner waste their time at anything else. So long as the British working-man continues to be a Conservative in large numbers lie can’t expect much better treatment than lie’s getting. He has voted for the Balfourites, and be lias got what lie voted for. But why we should be bothered with the pseudo-statesmanlike “fears and “doubts” and “misgivings” of the most antiquated Tories in the world whenever a question of ameliorating ■ the condition of starving England arises, is beyond my fathoming.

[ wandered into a memorial service to the late AV. T. Stead the other Sunday evening. It was not an orthodox church service, hut I was interested in the brilliant but erratic journalist who perished in the hey-day of his usefulness,' and was prepared to listen to some account of his career even from an unorthodox source. I did not learn anything about Mr Stead. A lady who is advertised to possess powers of spiritual clairvoyance, whatever that may be, delivered a very long oration in a very sing-song voice. The oration contained two statements: (1) That nobody ever died; (2) that W. T. Stead still lived. The rest was a mass of incoherent and ungrammatical verbiage interspersed with what sounded like impromptu-doggerel verse. After sixty minutes of the oration I grew restless and fled. The only facts the gifted lecturess divulged about W. T. Stead were that his name was Stead, and that he had dabbled in Spiritualism. A number of people who were old enough to know better listened to the oration with rapt attention. I never spoke in public in my life, and I have no powers of spiritual clairvoyance, but I could have given a better address on a dead cat.

The horses must be feeling extremely jubilant just now, for their supplanters, those engines of steel driven by tho fumes of spirits, are likely soon to lie inactive for want of said spirits. This present dilemma is one that never seems to have occurred to anyone as a liability to be provided for, but the “horseless age” is going to. belie its name for a week or so in this city at any rate. It will be interesting to watch the quotations at the horse markets during the next few weeks. Christchurch without motor cars will be a strange place. It’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good, however, and I presently expect to see a number of cabs which were coeval in origin with the Ark perambulating the city, surmounted by drivers revelling in a period of unwonted opulence.

I have come to the conclusion that a number of people in Christchurch belong to the S.P.W.A.A.L. _ Those raystic initials stand for “ Society of Peopie Who Always Arrive Late. At every theatrical performance, concert, or public meeting in this city, the first part of the proceedings on the stage or platform is punctuated by the loud determined footfalls of the late-comers. Goodness knows the play, concert or meeting very seldom starts untij ten minutes after the advertised'time, but the confirmed late-comcr apparently waits outside to make quite sure that i,„ or she shall create a public nuisance in entering- I think it must bo the same section of the community, too, who watch eagerly for a clue to tho conclusion of the proceedings, and who thereupon rise in great numbers, strug‘L i n to overcoats, cloaks and wraps Great noiso and fearful contor,,,Kl stampede for the exits, to tho intense discomfiture of those of the nnrlience who remain, and of the speaker or performer on the stage.