THAT REFRIGERATOR.

Lake County Press, Issue 1066, 28 May 1903, Page 6

THAT REFRIGERATOR.

If this hot weather continue* the recording angel will, lam sure, ueod nn aasiHtant,. If it hadn't been for the hot weather I shouldn't have bought my wife a refrigerator and thereby nearly wrecked our marriod happiness. But it was bo very hot that afternoon, ami I happened to j.hhh the Hwell ironmonger's in our district. Hammock* wero slung in one window; the other, I think, wan devoted to a selection of portable cooking Htoiea, intended to do away with the neceanity of having a kitchen hie during the summer. But it was the goodH just within the doorway that took my fancy. The man had piled tip a lot of things marked " rcfrigeratora," and oh it very matronly figure whisked past them aud into the shop I thought, " Here's some thing that will please Jane." So I followed in the wake of the stout lady, and not being troubled with voluminous petticoats, managed to avoid nivim: the final whisk that would assuredly have brought a regiment of pots and puns about my feet. I used to think, in the early part of my married life, that if ever Jane suggested mc doing any of her shopping, I should insist upon it that which had to be done at the ironmonger's. There in nothing " frilJy" about such a place, no silly, giggling females behind the counter,and, besides, I had always had a liking for iron aud the baser sort of metals. I am not much of an admirer of poets and poetry, but I'll always agree with the chap who wrote " Things are not what they seem." There were two young men in that shop; one came forward to wait upon the lady of the tlowinn waist and I fell to the lot of the other'. ISii'i from the way in which they both eyed inv, I surmised a male customer was a rarity. I asked to see some refrigerators. " Yes, sir. Would you like one of wood and zinc or a block tin one '( Wo have both, Mr. ' In apite of my boasted knowledge of iron and substances of that ilk. when it came to a question of deciding between wood arid zinc and block tin in the construction of a culinary utensil, I found I was very much at sea. So 1 told the man I didn't mind which, but perhaps I had better have a look at both. 1 suppose my want of an opinion, on the subject " gave me away," for my shopman went and whispered a little with the blackaproned personage in attendance on the lady customer. In the end I bought something veiy much resembling the sausage machine of comic picture fame, only without the tube arrangement at the eud. I hart it packed to take home myself, for I wanted to see my wife's first look of pleasurcablc surprise. But Jane watshardly as elated as I had anticipated, " You might have bought a decent sort of thing while you were about it."' she said, as she surveyed my purchase. The refrigerator had been unpacked in th°. diuingroom, aud as it stood on the long tabic certainly did not look so imposing and workmaulike as it had done in the shop But I did not say so to Jane; there are, some sccaaioßS when it is not wise to admit your misgivings to your wife. Jane has an unmarried sister, and, as illluck would have it, she was on a vit-it to us at the time. And Amelia knows a good deal —far more than i 3 becoming in a ladv who has never had a husband. She is as sharp as a needle, and seems to know what goes on in the home of every woman with whom she is on terms of friendship. " Uli, you have been buying one of those new-fangled freezing machines," she exclaimed, entering the room on the tail of my wife's remark, "but they rarely work properly. The Ifilsons had one a little time ago, and they didn't make much use of it. Their cook invariably managed to tutu the handle too violently and whisk the whole thing on to the lloor. If you use it, Jane, work it yourself, then you won't have anyone to blame if the results are not satisfactory. That was juift like Amelia,ulways croaking like a raven aud damping enthusiasm. I bogau to feel a bit mad. In s-pite of open doors a.ad windows the house was stifling,and when I had done the women-folk <i go«d turn in bringing a machine that would enable them to have ices whenever they wish«d ; all I got was a shower of deprecatory remarks. I believe mixed up with them was a formal " Thank you, Jim," but there was none of that delight that I had looked forward to, and which is the salt of thanksgiving. That refrigerator was a bone of contention in our household for some time. On reaching home the day after its purchase 1 ventured to joke about the price of ices in the city. But by the look that passed between my wife and her sister I knew I had put my foot in it. " One quart of milk has been wasted already by your wonderful freezing machine," said my wife in an injured tone. " Yrs," chimed in Amelia, ' ; as it was Jane's "'day" we thought it would be jolly to have ices, so we set to after you left this morning to try the now refrigerator. We wasted a quart of milk and two mortal bonis, and had no ices to offer callers."' " Perhaps you did not understand the working of the refrigerator," I said. " Did you follow the directions?' " That's just like a man to think nothing can be done properly unless a lot of printed instructions arc followed. If the servants had to read up a pamphlet for every job there is to be done in a house the work would never be got through." " But a new thing surely jequires studying, and " " It's no use arguing, Jim. I tell you we have tried it and it iB a failure. Much as I should like to have ices I cannot afford to waste quart after quart of milk experimenting with that machine. The money goes fast enough as it is, and is likely to go even quicker if all one hears is true. Mrs. Jenkins said to-rlay that coals would be at least fifty shillings a ton in the winter, and yon know we always burn a lot." Phew! fancy talking about coals with the thermometer noarly 90 in the Bh3de and the Tory horses in the 'buses wearing straw bonnets. The freezing machine could go hang so long as there was peace and quietness and conversation that did not call up visions of the place that small boys aro alwajs threatened with when they are naughty. So the refrigerator now reposes on the topmost shelf of a high cupboard that I know for a fact is only turned out at the annual " spring clean."