IN LIGHTER VEIN

King Country Chronicle, Volume XXXIII, Issue 4807, 7 July 1939, Page 2

IN LIGHTER VEIN

Bank Cashier: Pardon me, sir, but what's your name? Depositor: Name! Name! Don't you sec my signatui'e on the cheque? "Yes, sir, that is what aroused my curiosity."

Jones had been obliged to sell his pup because of its habit of always running beneath the sofa and refusing to come out for hours. About a month later he met the new owner and asked, him if he had cured the animal of the practice. "Yes," was the reply. "He doesn't run under now."

"How did you stop him?!' "Why, easily. I cut the legs off the sofa."

Dentist: You needn't open your mouth any wider. When I pull a tooth I expect to remain outside.

He (testily, after losing heavily at bridge): You might have guessed I had no heart.

Wife: Quite; but I thought you had a brain, dear.

A kindly old clergyman was making his annual visit to the convicts in a big prison. To one man who looked very miserable and crestfallen he said: "And why are you here, my man?" The convict raised a mournful face. "Only for just one small thing," he replied. "Pray, tell me what it is?" "They got all the doors locked."

A man was walking down a London street with his left hand up in a peculiar manner. An inquisitive visitor asked him the reason, and also pointed out that a man a few yards behind him was doing the same. The man turned, saw the other, and exclaimed: "Great Scot, Bill, we have forgotten the ladder!"

"Com-pa-nee, atten-shun!" bawled the drill sergeant to the awkward squad. "Com-pa-nee, lift up your left leg and hold it straight in front of you!" By mistake one rookie held up his right leg, which brought it out side by side with his neighbour's leg. "Aw right, aw right. Who's the wise guy over there holding up both legs?", shouted the hard-boiled sergeant.

"Do you know what happens to little boys who tell lies?" "Yes, auntie, they travel half fare."

"I think her voice is improved a good deal, don't you?" "Improved, maybe, but not cured."

Lady (applying for a maid): lam very particular. I want a maid who will not answer me back.

Employment Agency Manager: I have just what you want—a former telephone operator.

"Whatever happened to Jones? You know the chap who let the grass grow under his feet!" "Oh, yes. He's done very well in making lawns."

Farmer Jenkins made his way into the village post office that also was the general store. "Anything for me?" he inquired of the postmaster. The other raked over a few parcels and letters, but found nothing. "Don't see nothing," he said. "Did you expect something?" "Yes," answered the farmer. "I was expecting a card from Aunt Jenny, telling me when she's coming." "Hannah," called the postmaster to his wife, "seen a card from Mr. Jenkins's Aunt Jenny?" "Yes," came the prompt reply. "She's comin' down Tuesday." "The artist's model looked very tired indeed." "Yes. Her face was drawn."