JUST NONSENSE

King Country Chronicle, Volume XXVI, Issue 3439, 5 March 1932, Page 4 (Supplement)

JUST NONSENSE

A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN. " Doctoi', will yon allew «nc husband to have beer after supper? "

"Why? " " Since you said he was Dot to drink beer after supper, he wou't have hie supper at all." * * * * *

"Where do I get nay ticket, please?" a portly old lady asked a railway porter. "Just over there, madam, through that little pigeon-hole," hn repiied. " Don't be rude young maul? exclaimed the old lady angrily. "How do you think I can get thro»jfh that tiny hole?" .-,. ~ *** ' * * Manager (to bill collector: Well, did you find Mr Bragg in? Collector: Physically, but not financially* . *** * ' * Young Wife: Going out again? Two years ago you said I was your whole world. Husband: Yes, but it's surprising how much geography one can learn in two years. * * * * * Willie had been naughty and hatf been sent to bed by his mother without any supper. He was naturally aggrieved at the feminine sex arni tumbled between the sheets without a word. . "Willie," she said, "say your prayers." " I won't" " You had better say them," " I won't." " Don't you want to go to heaven? " "Nah, I'm going with papa. Us men has got to stick together these days." *****

The young man was secretly courting the dentist's daughter, and had called whi'e her father was out. denly his footsteps were heard onW stairs. "Oh, George," cried the girl, " you'll have to tell father you've called t© have a tooth extracted." ***** THE PRIZE CAULIFLOWER. It was at the village vegetable and flower show, Smith, a local amateur gardener, had carried off the first prize for the best cau'iflower. It was a magnificent specimen. " That's certainly a fine cauliflower," said his friend, admiringly. " ITS give you a shilling for it, n Smith laughed. s " Nothing doing, old man," he returned. " I gave eighteenpence for it myself." ***** The children at a Sunday school were asked among other questions what bearing false witness against one's neighbour meant. A pert little girl replied, "It is when nobody hain't done nothing and somebody goes and tells." *****

Recently an old negro, who claimed to be " having symptoms," sought some medicine to make him feel better. As usual. Mr McPherson plied him with questions. Among other rather personal queries, he said: " And how are your kidneys, Uncle Reubin ? "

" Well, doc, dey is all grown np now and some of 'em is married."

The kindly old lady who was visiting the penitentiary looked in upon a melancho'y convict who sat on his bunk with his head in his hands.

" And why are you here, my poor man? " she inquired. The convict raised mournful eyes. "They've got all the doors locked," he said simply. ***** On the door of our room at a city hotel we found this parting admonition: "Have you left anything?" After paying our bill we are convinced that it should have read: "Have you anything left? " ***** OUTSIDE THE PALE. If the truth must be told, £here Jj g » a great many women who wont go to Heaven when they dye. * * * * * A BIT PREMATURE. The proprietor of a small cinema had just completed the insurance of his hall, and as he signed his same, he turned to the agent, and said: " Now, tell me, vot vould I get if my cinema vos burnt down to-mor-row? " " Oh, I should think about ten years," replied the man carelessly. *****

THE GOLF VARIETY. School Teacher: And now that we have finished discussing the lion and the tiger, who can tell me something about the lynx? A painful pause. Fina'ly a small hand is hesitatingly elevated. Teacher: Well, Johnny, can you describe the lynx? Johnny: No, sir. Teacher: Then why did you nose your hand? Johnny: I thought Reggie Rowbottom could tell. Teacher: What made you think Reggie could describe the lynx? Johnny: 'Cause his brother's a «addie, sir. * * * * * AN EFFECTIVE PLAN.

Mrs B'ack: Bothered with timewasting callers, are you ? Why do»'t you try my plan ?

Mrs White: What is your plant Mrs Black: Why, when the bell rings, I put on my hat and gloves. If it proves to be someone I don't wan't to see, I simply say, " So goiry, but I'm ,iust going out." Mrs White: But suppose it's someone you do want to see? Mrs Black: Oh, then I say, " So fortunate. I've just come in."