SOME STORIES

Hokitika Guardian, 24 August 1929, Page 8

SOME STORIES

Patricia came 111 one day from Icr kinJerg.'jtcr, full of the ue'vs that ii'-M Friday was to be Parent’s Day Most .unfortunately both mummy and daddie were lengaged on that afternoon, and mummy said: — ‘‘Darling, we are so so'.vv hut "0 can’t possibly manage to gp hut we ll invite Nannie to go ihslcl .Siic UiM enjoy it enormously.”

And the irate Patricia replied:—

‘1 don’t want Nannie. J want my .i\vu ancestors. This will bo my third school party, an’ I’ve never had an Ancestor there yet.” **•#*»* ;• Anthony, aged five lunched out with, iiis'jmpthqr for the first time in ;his >'l'jj(e. .’Tne room was cold; •,and jo was,his hostess, and the squjp; . was too highly flavoured for Anthony’s milk-nourished palate. He twins not making great play will his spoon, and presently his hostess asked: ‘ Do you like your soup, Anthony?” j And the polite and truthful Anthony replied: 1 “Very much, thank you, everything’s very nice—everything except the. taste,” .*•«»* A very rich American woman married a poor man lately, and surrounded him with luxury. But he did not forget his parents, even though he had a butler. His wife was talking about their summer plans, and this is libw she put it: , “We’re goin’ ti Europe fur me ti do a cure this summer, but niy husband is goin’ ti visit his old parents fuist. It’ll be a terrible come-down fur him— but lie looks on it as his dootv.” They were going a motor drive, and the lady went out to the car with a rug, a cushion, and a sunshade. Her husband did not see her leave the house, and asked their coloured butler where she was. With great dignity he answered !“* —* “Madame has just gone out to the car, sail, wit’ awl ’er person’l defects.” * * * * * * * The butler’s daughter did very badly at school, and the butler wiis much distressed. His mistress met Cliloe one day, and asked her how it was that she failed in her examination. “Ye see, ma’am,” Cliloe .explained, “its’s de inspector’s fault. Dat man hasn’t gatten do intelligence ti draw out uv mah head do knowledge dat’s inside it.” * * * * * • Their baby was born in the' country and there was no scales to weigh him on. So they took him to an angler’s hotel and weighed, him on the anglers’ scales. And lie weighed just 231 b. * 1 * * * Cynthia' ami Patricia were playing in their kindergarten with a family of dolls. Said Cynthia, “When I grow up T’m going to‘keep a school.” “I’m goin’ |to marry an’ hare a lot of children,” ' replied Patricia, “ an’ I’ll send them to your school, then.” Said tlio Cynthia, “Then 111 smack them, ail’ smack them, an’ smack them.” • And Patricia screamed, “What have niy children ever done to you, I d like to know.” * * * * He was a sturdy boy of about nine, and there was a party. t)ne of the guests said to him, “And what is your name, . young man V And the young host replied, with his mouth brimming over with cake, “Well, my mime is Cyrus P. Keller, but niy dad calls me ‘Static.’ ’cause ho says I always act up like Old Fury when there’s company.’"

•‘lt is the Avretched Avho need to he Avise.” —Prior. Those aaTio are wretched Avitli a cold slioav Avisdohi Avlien they choose Baxter’s Lung Preserver for the remedy, this dependable specific has been relieving coughs, colds, sore throats, asthma, influenza, and all such throat and lung complaints lor the last 60 years. Possesses Avonderlul tonic piupertios also. “ Baxter’s ” is sold by all chemists and stores —generous-sized bottle, 2s Od; large 'family size, 4s 6d; bachelor’s size, Is 6d.