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Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume 14, Issue 1131, 1 March 1870, Page 4

A Delicate Parcei to be Forwamxed by Rail.— A young lady wrapped up in herself. " I despise mankind," said an arrogant fellow to a clergyman. " I see you have studied your own nature deeply," was the quiot reply. At a public-house in Devonshire, the landlord has painted up outside his door, " (rood beer sold here ; but don't take my word for it." Velocipede candy is now sold in Manchester. The manufacturer finds it necessary to give notice that it is not worked by the feet. A popular poet was much attached to a young lady who was born a day before him, and who did not return his passion. " Yours is a hard case," said a friend. " It is indeed, said the poet, " for I came into the world a day after the fair." A prudent master advised his servant to put by his money for a rainy day. In a few weeks his master inquired how much of his wages he had saved. " Faith, none at all," said he. " I did as you bid me : it rained yesterday — I took a drop, and it all went." " Man," says the anatomist, " changes entirely every seven years." "Therefore," says Jones, " my tailor should not ask me for the bill I contracted in 1862. I am not the same person ; hence I owe him nothing." A YOUNGlady explained to her inamorato the distinction between printing and publishing, and at the conclusion of her remarks, by way of illustration, she said, " You may print a kiss upon my cheek, but you must not publish it." A Cork paper publishes the following erratum : — " The words printed 'pigs and cows' in Mr. Parker's letter on the land question, which appeared in yesterday's issue, should have been^?ms and cons." The last Aurora Borealis story is related by a correspondent of a New Haven paper, who looked at the telegraph wires, and saw " sparks of electricity hop along them like infinitesimally small illuminated toads." The Young Imp. — A middle-aged lady, ■with much spare time on her hands, employs it in the making of the usual appliances for the backs of chairs, &c. One of her nephews — a " limb of a boy " — has in consequence christened her "Aunty Macassar." The Plague op the Wardrobe. — " Moths !" exclaimed an old lady, conning over a string of advertisements relative to a book about those Lepidoptera in the Times, " and whereto find them. Where, indeed ! As if there wanted a book written to tell us that, — drat the nasty, good-for-nothing, destructif, mischievous things !" — J?unch. On the Lakes. — A steamboat captain on one of the American lakes was recently feeling his way along in the dark, when the look-out ahead cried out, " Schooner without a light." It was a narrow escape ; and as the steamer passed the schooner the captain demanded, " What are you doing with your schooner here in the dark without a light ?" To his dismay, the skipper, who was a Frenchman, answered, "vat ze diable you do here viz your ole steamboat in three feet of water, eh ?" and just then the steamer landed high and dry on a sand-bank.