HOTCH-POTCH

Hawera Star, Volume XLV, 9 May 1925, Page 16

HOTCH-POTCH

“How will I enter tffe money the cashier skipped with?” asked the bookkeeper. “Under the profit and loss?” “No; suppose vdii put in under running expenses r”

Mrs Breezy (with hammer).—-There, I’ve hit. the nail on the head at last.” Air. Breezy.— “Why do you put your finger in your mouth?” Mrs. Breezy. ••That was the nail I hit.”

“Dorothy always begins a novel in the middle.” “What’s that for?'.’ “Why, then she has two problems to be excited over, how the story will end, and how it will begin.”

Lucy (to guest)—“Do you like that cake, Airs. Brown?” Airs. Brown — “Yes, dear, very much.” Lucy—- “ That's funny,. ’cause mother, said you haven't any taste.”

Alan (with' broken nose) : ‘Gan you tell me where Trafalgar Square lies?” Stranger. “Yes. Take the first turn to the left, then follow your nose.” “You mean keep straight on.” “No, turn to the right.”

“What is that big iron thing over there?” asked Laura. “A locomotive boiler,” said Tom. Laura looked thoughtful. After a moment she asked— “Why do they boil locomotives?” “To make the engine tender,” said Tom.

Mary: “Nature provides for everything, they say. I wonder if that is really 'so?” Anne: “It may be, deal?; but if 1 ever get the chance, Fiti going to pick myself a rich husband, and- let him do it.” w

First Horseman —“You’re always whipping your horse on the right side; why don’t you give him a little on the left for a changer” Second Horseman—“lt doesn’t matter; as long as I get one side going the other is sure to come.” . !

A pretty girl was taken half a mile beyond her destination, and she remarked to the conductor ; It’s really too bad; I told you when I got iii where I wished to be set down.” ’Bus Conductor ; , “Well, miss, I let you get out as soon as ever I could find it in my heart to part with you.”

Young Wife (reproachfully)—“You always seemed to have plenty of money before we were married.!’ Loving Husband —“It was only! seeming. I had very little.” A'oupg AVife— “And you toiu me you expected to be rich.” Loving Husband—“l am rich, my dear, I’ve got you.” (She, subsided).

A patriotic S:otsman, revisiting his country, accompanied oy hfs Engtisnbo. 11 son. a boy of eight, took him to see the .Burns statue in Union Terrace, Abe 1 dee n. Tne poet is represented noiclihg oy the stalk his “wee, modest, \ crimson tippif’d aisy. “Tfiat my son, is Robert Burns,” said tiie the father, “Scotland’s greatest genius.” To which tue laddie s.mpiy. replied: •‘VA .hy iis he holding a' l corkscrew in his* hand, father?” ? I ' ; ' ; ••

It was cleaning day at the Zoo. All the animals had to bo shifted from the cages they usually occupied into fresh ones. An Irishman whs assisting, with the transfer of tiie hyena. “Stiddy there, lion,” he quivered. “What’s the idea?” asked a fellow-attendant, “calling that hyena a lion?” ‘“Have ye no tact? Can’t ,\e see ’tis flattering the baste that I am?”

The great musican had been entertaining Ixis guests, and as he rose from the piano a gushing youth approached him. “What a wonderful piece of music!” he exclaimed. “Wjjj you tell me the name of it, please?’.’ “It was an improvisation,” replied the musician. • “Ah, of course!” said the youth. “An old favourite of mine, but for the moment I had forgotten its name.”

A man in a tweed suit and leggings walked into a poulterer’s shop,-and asked for a brace of pheasants. “Sorry, sir,” said the shopman; “completely sold out of pheasants.* ~ I could let you have a nice veal-and-ham pie though, sir.” “Don’t be. ridiculous,” snapped the sportsman; “how the dickens c°uld I go home and say I shot a veal-of-ham pie?”

A well-known poet who was getting ready for a journey could not find his watch. He ransacked the room, turned out drawers and boxes, and finally, in despair, glancing at his wrist where the watch was safely strapped all the while, exclaimed aloud, 'T’ve just time for one more look before the train goes,” and began to rummage again.

When President of the Local Government Board, Mr. John Burns was. incited to Sandringham, and in the course of ■ conversation King Edwafd told him of the work he had put in hand to give employment. “Perhaps you would like to come and inspect.” he suggested “Certainly, sir,” replied Mr. Burns, adding, with a twinkle, “and if I approve’ perhaps I may be able to give you a grant from my unemployment, fund.”

The sixth Earl of Longford’s grandfather when at Winchester as the Hon. W. L. Pakenham, was described by Dr. Moberley as the most impudent hoy he ever knew. Once he appeared with a large bunch of flowers in his buttonhole. “Pakenham,” said the head master, “I do not object to one flower in a well-dressed boy’s coat, but I cannot permit boys to come into school with* nosegays.” “Very well, sir,” said Pakenham. Two days afterwards he came to school with a gigantic sunflower in his coat. “A single flower, sir,” he exclaimed.