THE VAG’S COLUMN.

Grey River Argus, 11 October 1922, Page 2

THE VAG’S COLUMN.

Dear Henry,—The day of the triennial test of your intelligence, is rapidly coming round again. And from now to election day you will be an important personage. Politicians and their committee men, and also their good, kind ladies will take an active interest in you; and their lady friends will visit Henrietta and gush over the little Dubbs. Your chest will swell with pride, and you will consider that you are no longer a Dubb struggling for a living. Each one will tell you that their respective candidate is the man for the country—your country. Your visitors will conveniently forget the different times that they worked for the cutting of your wages during the last three years. Neither will you be expected to mention it. If you do you will be accused of being a Red Fed, a Socialist, or a Communist. Nor will yqpr visitors mention the number of times that they advocated greater efficiency from you, Hen. To them hard, and yet harder work, is your vocation. They know that from your hide comes all the good things, and to get more they are always spurring you on to greater efforts. So when the nice gentleman and the good kind ladies call on you during election time you must try and forget that their dominant philosophy is harder work and less wages for you. Of course there will be a Labour candidate and your distinguished visitors will tell you some awful stories about him. He is sure to be an extremist, disloyal, a breaker up of homes, and a free love artist. Probably he has been in gaol, and he .surely will have opposed the Great War. He, won’t have any stake in the country, and it will be even hinted that he did a mean action to someone somewhere in the dim distant past. If you are too keen about him, and ask them to substantiate the story, you. will find that they “heard it on good authority.’’ As the election campaign advances you will find many more artful schemes being worked to get you to vote the right, way. .If the Labour candidate Is a man who will not betray the workers for all the capitalists in the world the vilification and misrepresentation must be made stronger. To the voter who believes in Continuance the Labour candidate will have Prohibition tendencies; to the Prohibitionist he will be one who drinks beer, and “on good authority’’ again he was known to have been drunk and to have beaten his wife, or to have a light-o’-love somewhere. If he does not bother his head about churches he is an Athiest and a freethinker, and up against all churches. If he goes to church he surely goes to the wrong one, and even the wealthy members of his own congregation will disown him. Probably Howard Elliott will be brought along to prove that he was seen talking to a priest or entering a convent, and that he is in direct communication with the Pope, and seriously preparing to reorganise the Inquisition. To the non-unionist he will be described as prepared to murder all scabs, and to the unionist he will have scabbed some time or another. He will be a wowser in one house, and a gambler in the next. Hi* will have done everything that is bad and nothing good. And finally the whole district and the Empire will be ruined, if he gets returned to Parliament. Such is the stuff that will be told to you and Henrietta during the next two months, Henry. And you in your new found importance—the importance of having a vote that is needed —you will often believe it. If you were wise you would take a hand in this game. Instead of listening quietly to the stilted phrases of the would-be aristocrats that visit you, you would take a hand in the game. Try asking your election visitors where and when did Mr Reform or Mr Liberal advocate higher -wages or shorter hours for you. When and where did they strive for better conditions of work or better housing accommodation for the workers? Did you ever hear of the Darkie and the chicken, Hen? Well, if you didn’t, I’ll tell you: A coloured gentleman, who was suppcrless, once approached a fowl-house from which a board close to the chickens’ perch had been wrenched. In his hand he carried a few grains of ' rice. When he reached Hie coop he found that try as he would he could not reach the chickens. • The case looked hopeless, but still he did not give up. He started to talk to the chickens, “('hick, chick, chick,’’ he said, “I’ve known you were hungry, so I’ve brought you some, nice grains of rice for your supper.’’ He looked so inviting and nice that the chickens, who had been warned against all darkies put their heads together and wondered. One of them, who had a very red comb, and who was known as “the Bolshevik” advised the chickens to keep as far away from the hole as possible because darkies were never known to be friends of chickens. A young rooster, whose spurs were just beginning to sprout said that he was not afraid of any darkie, and if they were all like him they could soon make them sorry if they interfered with chickens. An old rooster, tottering with age, said that what was needed was a display of force. Chickens should cultivate longer spurs and everyone would then be afraid of them. Darkies were not men to be afraid of anyhow,. So they talked on. In the meantime the darkie was smiling, rolling his eyes, shaking the rice, and clucking like an old mother lien. “Come and get the rice,” he said, “the young roosters, and the old roosters are right. The stories you have heard about darkies are not true. I’ve I always been a friend to chickens.” At last sever®! of th® plumpest chickem . decided to go and get the rice. Tin

The darkie’s hand closed. He did not go to bed supperless. So when the. good ladies and the nice gentlemen come around to seek your vote remember the darkie and the chickens, Hen. Don’t be fooled by nice phrases and a few’ grains of rice. THE UNDERSTUDY. L. 8