THE WORLD’S HUMOUR.

Grey River Argus, 11 October 1922, Page 3

THE WORLD’S HUMOUR.

SOME OF THE LATEST STORIES.

Ve have received a copy of ‘‘Humour,” a bright fortnightly that skims the laughter from the prominent journals of wit published in England, America and the Continent. We reprint below a typical selection of anecdotes culled from this bright little paper. ‘•.Humour” is published by the same company that runs “Aussie/ the cheerful monthly. A New Zealand office for both publications has boon established at Singer Avenue, Wellington, from where readers of the “Argus” may obtain free specimen copies. HEREDITY AGAIN. “Late for reveille agpin, I sec, O’Malley,” snorted the irate captain. “How do you acount for this persistent tardiness?” “’Tis inherited, sir,” answered Pvt. O’Malley. “Ale father was the late Michael O’Malley.” WHERE WORDS FAILED. The new guard was not familiar with a certain railway run in Wales. Came a station which rejoiced in the name

of Lkinfairfechanpwllgogcrych. For a few minutes he stood looking at the signboard in mute helplessness. Then a pointing to the board, and waving his , other arm toward the carriages, he called: ‘lf there’s anybody there for (i here, this is it!” FORETHOUGHT. Donald MacTavish lay a-dying. He had been all day about it, and his wife, -who had watched with patient expectancy since early morn, began io , feel the call of her neglected household duties. n ‘Awcel, Don,” she said, as she moved the light to the table »jy his bed, “I mils’ gang along to the kitchen I the noo. Ye’l no be takin’ yer departure afore I come back. But if ye 1 should, ye’ll not forget to blow out the candle afore ye dee, will ye?” ( ; DIVINE FAMILIARITY. A small South Carolina, church recently called a new pastor, and on the occasion of his first sermon, the negro janitor was an interested listener from 11m doorway of the building. The minister proved to be fluent, his sermon was eloquent, and in his prayers, which were loud and long, he seemed to cover the whole broad range of ’ human needs. | As the services ended and the conI gregation was leaving, one of the deaj cons paused for a word with the . janitor.

I “By the way. .Top.” he, said, “what I do you think •»! I<• new minister .’ (Don’t you think he makes a wonder1 I r i ” r, )} [Jul prayer.”’ | “Cap’n, ” the darkey answered I “Ah suttinly does. Why, dat man look an’ axed de Lawd fo’ things dat de las’ pahson didn’t even know he had!” BELATED KNOWLEDGE. The preacher was Scotch, and of Ihe old school, who believed in a i physical hell, and he was preaching I one of the good old-fashioned fire and I brimstone sermons. With awe-inspir- : ing- gestures and appropriate pulpit i pounding, he brought a jtarticularly I liery discourse to a triumphant close with something like the following: “And on the last day there ye’ll he, all ye wickul sinners, up tacyour necks in the sea of brimstone, and the flames’ll be roarin’ around ye, and , ye’ll no hae a drappie of water to wet your parched throats, and there’ll bi l wailin’ and gnashin’ of teeth, and ye’ll lie crying out unto the Lord. ‘Oh. Lor-rd, we did not know—we did not know!’ And the good Lord, in his in-finite maircy and compassion of His loving hear-rt, will say, ‘Well! Ye lieu the noo!‘ ” RELIGIOUS KITTENS. An old Irishwoman in a certain village was trying to dispose of some new-born kittens. She offered them to the minister, saying that they were such nice Protestant kittens. In spite l of that inducement he refused them, and had a good laugh with the priest over her words. A few weeks later she offered the kittens to the priest, saying that they were such nice Catholic kittens. He reminded her that she had offered them to the minister as Protestant kittens, to which she replied: “Sure, Father. I know that—but they’ve had their eyes opened since then!” HARSH SENTENCE. A negro charged with stealing a watch had been arraigned before the court. The judge was not convinced that he -was guilty, and said: “ Y r ou are acquitted, Sam.” “Acquitted,” repeated Sam dolefully, “What do you mean, judge?” “That’s the sentence; you arc acquitted. ’ ’ Still looking somewhat confused, Sam said: ‘Judge, does da mean 1 have to give the watch back?” WHERE HAREMS WERE CHEAP. She: You refuse to buy me a single hat, and then you tell me that while you were in the Congo you had a harem of half a dozen wives. Oh! la! la!

How- could you afford to pay for tin: clothes of all those women? The li'cturncd Soldier: Oh, that was easy. When they wished to dress up, they simply put rings in their noses. A SLIGHT EKBOB. “I wish to say,” announced the minister, “that the vicarage, is not responsible for the error on the tickets for the concert. The entertainment is for the benefit of the Arch Fund—not the Arch Fiend.” A. FISHY SUGGESTION. Fishmonger: Fresh? Why, ma’am, that fish breathed its last when it saw yer coming! Customer (sniffing): And what a breath it hmll