IMPENDING DISASTERS

Gisborne Times, Volume LXXIII, Issue 11828, 9 January 1933, Page 3

IMPENDING DISASTERS

A DISMAL ALPHABET,

Readers of the “VVeelc-end Review” wore invited by Mr. Humbert Wolfe to composo an Alphabet of Impending Disasters on the model of:—

C is the Cheque. It has not returned yet But bankers, like olephants, never forget. Hero is one of the prize-winning entries, composed by “Nick” : A is the Altar; though equally loth To be married or sacrificed, I shall

be both. R is t-lio Breakfast. (I'd like to explain It’s my father-in-law who selects tho champagne). C is the Cake ; on the top is a Cupid That cost ten aud sixpence and looks very stupid. D is the Date. 1 am not superstitious But Friday, the 13th, is hardly pro-

pitious. E is tlie Evil which unto the day Is more than sufficient in every way. F is, I fear, my Fiancee, Oh, well, I might get to like her, you never

cun toll. Cl for Gifts, it is roully qu'-ie humorous

Hearing them talked of as “costlyami numerous.” H is tlie Honey moon—don’t ask me where— I’m damned if J. know, aud I’m damned if I. care. I'is the Improvisation of plans To stand up in church aud forbid my - own banns. J is tho Journal which, blind to ail

reason, Will talk of “the prettiest bride of

the season.” K’s t-Juil extremely regrettable Kiss; Who could have supposed it would

lead of all this? L is for “Lohengrin,” chosen by all. (I’d have selected the Dead March

from “Saul”). M. is for “M.othor,” who’ll tell the

reporter She's “gaining- a sou and nut losing a daughter.” N is my’ Name; she can take it from

She will gel uothing else—till she gels her Decree. 0 is Iho Orgauisl, who, with some taste,. Will render the music that’s gut to be faced. P is the Pago ; if be bursts into tears i. shall give the intelligent infant three cheers. Q for Quietus. Does anyone know — Can bodkins be purchased at and Co.? R- for the Rice which is sure to be thrown With malice u forethought by persons unknown. S is my Speech ; J can truthfully say “No words can express what I'm feeling to-day.” T is for Toast-racks; their number increases ; Wc how can accommodate ninety-six pieces. * U is her Uncle, unbearably hearty; Ho thinks he's the life and the soul of the party. V is tlie Vestry, and there in duo course The vultures-in-law will assemble in force. W stands for tho Woddiug; and why, If W stands for the wedding, should 1?

X is tiic number of people who ought 'J o go in for manning X equals 0. Y is for You who are reading this rhyme. Pity iuv fate—and lake naming in Lime. Z is for Nothing, for Absolute Z^ro. This Alphabet ends with the Death of its Hero.

"Of toast