LANCE ITEMS.

Gisborne Times, Volume XVII, Issue 1413, 25 March 1905, Page 3

LANCE ITEMS.

One of the Gilbertian touches of the Land Commission was. in the calling of a master mariner as an “ expert ” witness.

Mr Porter, licensee of the Harp of fiirin hotel, Rarawatea, Central Otago, has a barmaid named Stout, and a waiter named Water.

The man 'who can invent a fountain pen to hold about a pint Bhould have a big time in Ashburton aud other droughtsmitten regions. The following oboppod-off news items follow each other in a Northern paper : “ Xlussiaus iu full retreat. Mr Seddon on tour.” Causo and effect ? Ooe of the mayoral candidates made a great hit the other night. Ho said: "If we want to keep our heads above water we mustn’t let the grass grow under oar feet.”

A man “ took to ” a oarter who was illusing u horse in Christohuroh, and gave him a thrashing. The thrasher was lined £5. The man who ill-used the horse didn’t got fined. v A young Russian, advertising that he was thoroughly educated, and could spealr and write five languages, obtained a billet at Foxton as flax-mill laborer. Better there than in the Far East, however, 'v

A oorrespondsnt, in an ondeavor to I “ make Mr Seddon and his glorious record I.remembered ‘ for all _time,” advocates the I issue of a special New* Zealand coin ourI renoy, with Mr the I obverse. We shall bJve it done. I A J I T.he familiar Operafeouse I irfg oitt tosee a mat/ about a dog, 1 didn’t | workj&t i’eildtpg Jho \thor day. Three [ yottffg g/ep/fouau on lioensed premises that they were there [about a horse. The BeucL thought it was La horse of a shadyfeoalor, and levied the usual fine. ■ The report of tjjofLand Commission, if condensed, will zegtq, " They all want the freehold.” But, ftiwon’t bercondensed. The daily papeFMadingJ Ipfernafltussit/” requKgs oolfc^ffp s/SsMtution of an I 1” for a ‘IT’* to\da 1 y describe that [Shterestiag spot. ’ j