ETIQUETTE HINTS

Gisborne Herald, Volume LXXIV, Issue 22289, 26 March 1947, Page 2

ETIQUETTE HINTS

SOCIETY-USAGES ‘THE GOOD OLD DAYS” BOOKLET REPUBLISHED "If you are so unfortunate as to have contracted the low habit of smoking, be careful to practise it under certain restrictions; at least, so long as you are desirous of being considered fit for civilised society. “The first mark of a gentleman is a sensitive regard for the feelings of others; therefore, smoke where it is least likely to prove personally offensive by making your clothes smell; then wash your mouth and brush your teeth. What man of delicacy would presume to address a lady with his breath smelling of onions? Yet tobacco is equally odious.

"Smoking in the streets, or in a theatre, is only practised by shopboys, pseudo-fashionables — and the ‘swell mob’.”

This is the advice given in a booklet entitled “Hints on Etiquette and the Usages of Society,” which first saw the light of day in 1834, and has now happily oeen rescued from oblivion and republished, writes Guy Harriott in the Sydney Morning Herald. Those were the days of “God bless the squire and his relations, who keep us in our proper stations,” or, as our little book remarks with unexpected acidity: “The English are the most aristocratic democrats in the world; always endeavouring to squeeze through the portals of rank and fashion, and then slamming the door in the face of any unfortunate devil who may happen to be behind them.” “Protection from Humiliation”

* And if you do manage to squeeze through the portals there is an awful lot you must remember, and these hints are designed to protect you from the "humiliation of publicly proclaiming the deficiencies of an imperfect education.” Because, as the introduction delicately points out, "in a mercantile country like England people are continually rising in the world. Shopkeepers become merchants, and mechanics manufacturers . . . but it rarely occurs that the polish of their manners keep pace with the rapidity of their advancement.” But there is hope for them if they read on. Correct behaviour at the dinner table naturally gets a lot of space. The social aspirant is enjoined to eat peas with a dessert spoon, and curry also; warned that “making a noise in chewing, or breathing hard in eating are both unseemly habits, and ought to be eschewed”; and admonished: “Do not pick your teeth much at table, as, however satisfactory a practice to yourself, to witness it is not a pleasant thing”; and also: “Do not practice the filthy custom of gargling your mouth at table, albeit the usage prevails amongst a few, who think, because it is a foreign habit, it cannot be disgusting.” Less Obvious Pitfalls There are less obvious pitfalls. For example, “ at family dinners where the common household bread is used, it should never be cut less than an inch and a half thick. There is nothing more thin bread at table.” The seclHHlßk marriage deserves quotation / “When a it is understood that acquaintanceship ends, unless he intimate a desire to renew it, by sending you his own and his wife’s card, if near, or by

letter, if distant. If this be neglected be sure no further intercourse is desired. “In the first place—a bachelor is seldom very particular in the choice of his companions. So long as he is amused, he will associate freely enough with those whose morals and habits would point them out as highly dangerous persons to introduce into the sancity of domestic life. ■‘Secondly—a married man has the tastes of another to consult; and the friend of the husband may not be equally acceptable to the wife. “Besides—newly-married people may wish to limit the circle of their friends, from praiseworthy motives of economy . . . Many have had cause to regret the weakness of mind which allowed them to plunge info a vortex of gaiety and expense they could ill-afford. .

In all matters, says the author, the observances of the metropolis (as the seat of refinement) should be received as the standard of good breeding; but unwary imitation has its own particular perils. "It is a delicate subject to hint at the incongruities of a lady's dress —yet, alas! it forces itself upon our notice when we see a female at 1 tired with elaborate gorgeousness picking her way along the sloppy streets, after a wee.c’s snow and a three days’ thaw, walking in a dress fit only for a carriage.

Country People in London

“When country people visit London and see a lady enveloped in ermine and velvets, reclining in a carriage, they are apt to imagine it is the fashionable dress, and adopt it accordingly, overlooking the coronet emblazoned on the panels, and that its occupant is a duchess or a marchioness at the least, and that were the same person to walk, she would be in a very different costume, and then only attended by a footman.”

Nowadays a man may legitimately plume ' himself upon being an accomplished dancer—not so, and far otherwise, a hundred years ago! “You will not if you are wise stand up in a quadrille without knowing something of the figure; and if you are master of a few of .the steps, so much the better. But dance quietly; do not kick and caper about, nor sway your body to and fro; dance only from the hips 'downwards? and lead .the lady as lightly as you would tread a measure with a spirit of gossamer. “Do not pride yourself on doing steps neatly, unless you are ambitious of being taken for a dancing master; between whom and to dance like a gentleman there is a great difference.” Our little book ends on a note of subdued optimism: “Although the remarks will not be sufficient in themselves to make you a gentleman, yet they will enable you to avoid any glaring impropriety, and do much to render you easy and confident in society.” Good show, chaps!