IN CUPID'S GRIP

Greymouth Evening Star, 29 January 1914, Page 2

IN CUPID'S GRIP

DIFFERENT METHODS OF PROPOSING. Perplexed bachelor would like to ascertain correct formula for marriage proposal.—Advt. in Frankfort journal. Lest the above should be received with subdued guffaws, here's for a leading question to both sexes:—How did you propose? To both sexes, because, happily, the legend of Leap Year has latterly been relegated to the limbo it long deserved. The modern girl proposes as often as mere man. Only with this difference : Whereas man may fumble around seking to apply the formula of a projwsat to the circumstances of the case, woman does the business via her most trusted friend or relation (if it is possible to find one). She proposes by proxy. Tactfully —often, perhaps, r- the skilful dropping of a word —she has it conveyed to her victim that she is prepared to take him for better or worse. And more frequently than not the innate vanity of man asserts 1 itself as a sequel. He is admired. Jolly decent of her. Follows a proposal automatically. But whose proposal was it really? PossiS'y "perplexed bachelor" finds himself in such a predicament. Let him km;:r that the proposal is and always will be an incursion to the Uncharted. If, as we arc credibly informed, no two women the same, how to draw up a stercotypc-J ,'ormula? First sift your woman, obviously. Fair? Rich? Passionate ' Widow? Dark? Vain? Artistic? Cold? Flapper of divorcee? So much, too, depends on environment. An Italian night, they say, works wondei'3; transplant yon, cooing twain to the inside of a crowded wot motor-omnibus, and Cupid stands a good chance of being trodden beneath the conductor's feet (the biggest things on earth). Again, the bachelor is handicapped by the attitude of those of his kind who have fallen The married r«'»*n treasures no more sacred secret than the story of his surrender to the sex. You never hear him enlarge on "How I proposed," though of his life in bondage he probably has nothing nearly so interesting to relate . If ever you care to corner a benedict otj t**~ subject, he will have at least a trio of excellent reasons for not enlightening you: Thank heaven. I've Torgottcn all about that. rl'*» business Think I'm going to help a pa! to got mprried ? If you must know, there was no proposal. Came sort of naturally. The uneallant might add ■• I didn't w-A to do it *" guess she put me through it. WHAT REALLY HAPPENS. Let us linger a moment with the proposai that "comes sort of naturally.' This is probably so in the majority oi cases. That the lonft-winded way of popping the question t...ected by the romanticist has fallen into disuse in real lif"i is certain. The proposal is, moro //'.en than not, the author's piece do ro- . .stance. He must spread himself on it, wallowing in romance, losing himself and his reader in a sea of passion. 'Now, what ieally happens? 1 don't profess to know, ..dver having had a proposal of marriage brought home to me, but merely to imagine. Firstly, the popular conception among anxious to keep a motor-car but linage to do so with a shelvca daughter, that you have only to shove a ready-made ingenue into a ballroom for her to be asked in marriage is a travesty of the facts of the case. Sitting out is nowadays rarely followed by walking out. How can two young people be expected to know their own minds while both are still in the throes of tangoitis? What, then has supplanted the ballroom? The motor-car, the kinema, the golf-links, the taxi. The'taxi seems surpassingly popular with romantic couples anxious to murmur those nothings which lead to matrimony. But will mothers send their marriageable ones out in taxis in preference to the dance? I wonder. In the taxi, yCU see, there is always one preying argument which fails to obtain elsewhere. "Do say yes, dear ! Do! There goes another tuppence!" And taking the average gui, what happens? Does she wonder "if ko can do it on the money'"? Not if Cupid is on the metre. Does she murmur, "Ask father?" Pas bcaucoup. The answer? A long, long 100k f and a long, long sigh, and a long long . . . "'Geo, what a skid, darling!" Such is the proposal that comes sort of naturally." TWO EXTREMES. There are others, less ideal. Said the scrious-mindetl man of yore : Dearest, will you be my wife? Says the same in this militant age : Could I ever liope u> be yotfr husband? Says the'royal lover: I believe our Foreign Ministers have arranged everything. So glad to meet you. Says he of the retreating chin: Never met a girl I felt such a gentleman to before. Haw, haw ! Feel such a bally ass, dontcherknow . . . never done this sort of thing before .... haw, bawl .... how if we paired off a bit, eh, kid? Haw, Z"iw! Of the other extreme : 'Spose we'd better call it a do, Liz? 'Ehe, mind where y'er lapouring it. Wotcher mean funny face, call what a do? You know, Liz. Lumme, 'ere we are again! Me marry you? ..These 'ore proposals o' matcrimony fair tike the breath away. So suddin,. \as the toffs 'ave it. Me marry you.What abaht Alf? What abaht 'im? I'll forgive ye, 010 gill. Forgimme! I likes yer bloomin sauce. A woman's past's '«r own, that's what I scz, an' o' *-'->sc 'ere clergymen scz the sinia. Ye don't love Alf, Liz< Love 'im? Whose tafkin' abaht love? We're discussin' materimon". ain't we? Love yer 'usbancT! Luirnii", tikes all the spice out o' life, V"'n' soft on yer own 'ole main. See 'ere, Beit Wilkins, there's only one woman in the Tuiildiifi what loves V own 'usband, and look at 'erl Look at 'er! Cry.og all day long 'cause Vs walkin' altt! Ho, Bert. 'Op it. Yer no use to me. Why, .yer ain't got enough to keep rabbi*. Told me «o ycsself. Ain't eighteen a week enoughT Alt nin"t got thai, j

Yes, an' c ain't got yer liexpensivo tastes. Alf'.s 'is own laundry, is All, an 'o don't wear 'is boots au* day, neither. Conic on, ole girl; we could 'ave sicl)

a nice little ' 'omc. Just Liz, Bert,

an • • • ■ ,_^ An' oo? There yor go! DraggHg girl's past in front of 'cr ! Aht of it!

1 The high pike of cattle throughout c the beef-growing countries in the world ? is having its effect upon the New Zealand market, and tire increased value is a very noticeable, even in Ashburton. For 1 instance, an Ashbupirton. dairyman accepted an offer of 30s a head for all his young cattle, to be taken delivery of 'as weancrs. Further, cne of the laro gest Ashburton milk vendors intends to practically give up his milk run and supply the butter factory, rearing calves on the skim milk. The cost of labour in .' connection with a milk run, he says, is too great, and the work an arduous tic, 3 and for the future he will supply merely t about a dozen of his clients who purchase in a large way. His idea is to instal machines, milk more cows, feed the calves for a fortnight on unskimmed i milk, and afterwards on separated milk. r and sell when six months old, thus ensuring a quick return. The healthy stale j of the cattle market, he told a reporter, lied been responsible to a great extent for the change he is making.

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