A TELEPHONE BLUNDER.

Evening Star, Issue 11682, 14 February 1902, Page 7

A TELEPHONE BLUNDER.

(By J. H. Walworth in the ' N«w York Tribune.')

"Number?" Short, incisive, peremptory. "Three hunderd and two—three rings, please." Courteous, musical, shy. The trumpet holder could not quite divest herself of the idea that the giving of Miss Jemima Bolton's number would reveal to a lot of giggling exchange girls, and thence to the entire town, that she, (,abrielli Matheeon, wanted to ask Miss Jemima, when she would be ready to fit the wedding gown now under her skilled scissors. , , , .„ " Hello—wrll—well." Miss Bolton s shrill soprano m sharp staccato. Well it certainly was not. Across Miss Bolton's shrill response to her summons the wires were weaving strange words m a deep, melodious voice that she. knew and knew she loved, and recognising no ones superior right to its tender utterances, she applied herself to capture tbe words travelling over the partv line. "Well," bawled Miss Jemima, with a note of exhausted patience in her 'who wants three hundred and two " Mv precious, don't get cross with your faithful old Steve. You know I can explain everything to vour entire satisfaction. _ Through the warp of Miss Bolton s importunate " wells" shot the woof of loverlike protestations. Party line telephones have tragic possibilities. " This evening. Then. TO make it all right. Yours trulv, Steve." "Oh. me! Oh, my! Why was 1 ever born? Whvwere telephones ever invented? Who is that horrid Theo, anyway? I never knew he knew any Theo. I might a» well ring Miss Bolton off. Tt, doesn't make a particle of difference about my wedding dress now. I shall never marry—never, never." The trumpet was still glued to her ear. The light that glittered in her brae eyes was not love-born. Her heart whispered, defensively, that there might be some mistake. She shook the trumpet as if it alone, were responsible for all her misery. Mistake? She mistake Stephen Wades voice? Traitor! She supposed men were all alike—deceitful, unreliable, hn-tcful. She was done with them for ever, and having disposed of the offending sex with one sweep of her will, she hung up the trumpet and sat down to weep. She felt vaguely comforted by the reflection that when Stephen came to pay his regular visit that night he could easily perceive by the size of her nose and the tinting of her eyelids how deeply his treachery had stmken into her trusting soul. Between that bitter moment of telephonic detection and the coming of her lover she tasked her brain to supply her with some cunning device by which she might bring him to confusion," herself remaining on the exalted pinnacle of injured innocence. His last impressions of her, after she had told him good-bye with dignity, must be of her superiority to all womankind, inclusive of his horrid Theo.

She weald open the discussion with a general dissertation on the imprudence of confiding guilty love secrets to the telephone, ami, by interweaving the namo of Theo artfully, "she could smite hini hip and thigh. He was quite bandrome and jolly enough to inspire any girl with jealous love, but (iabriella Malbeson hoped she was not reduced to the necessity of accepting a fraction <rf a, lover. If he was that Theo's "faithful old Steve," that Theo was quite welcome to him. Scanning her pretty, flushed face with hi* great honest gTey eyes when he came at the usual hour that evening, Steve retained her coldly-proffered hand to say: " You've been crying, sweetheart. What's tip? Wedding dress a misfit, or gloves too small? Tell its poor old faithful Steve what troubles it."

She drew her hand out of his warm clasp with tragic vehemence. "There it goes again. Oh, Stephen. how can you be so—so —de—dece —ceitfull I never would have believed it of you. I. did trust you so implicitly." "Did?" Calmly divesting himself of his mahogany colored gloves, he informed himself that he was in for a stormy session. He seated himself as near .his lady love as she would permit under the strained situation, and remarked composedly: " Give me a tip, Bella, my darling, so's I can on and say my little, part. I've got" no cue, you see."' "Don't exasperate me, Stephen. You know I'm not the sort of woman to let anybody wipe the earth up with her." "Yes, of course; no, of course, I mean. But then I have never experienced the slightest desire to make a floor mop of my mopsy-wopsy petsy-wetsy." She glared at him. " I do wish I knew if all men are as deceitful as you are." "Give me the benefit of an average and ray they are. Well, what of it?" " I believe you we aware of the fact that I'have a telephone, Mr Wade?" "Pretty much everybody has nowadays, J; believe."

"~on a party Hue." " Economical, bat confusing." "Very confusing." -Yep." ""Especially -when there is a traitor at one end and a Theo at the other." u Traitors are not good things to have at any end of any line." '"'l should say so; nor Theos either. Oh, I heard you, Stephen. How I wish I h;id not! No, I don't. It is much better, very much better that it should all come out before instead of after marriage." "Yep; but what sort of an interruption is coining out, and on whom?" "• Disruption, Stephen, you h.id better call it." Stephen laughed—a heartless proceeding, but. the fun of it lingered in hLs eyes lung after his lips had taken on the most melancholy curves. "I hate to be laughed at, but T suppose vou ami yoor Tlieo will have no end of fun a!, my expense when you go to sec her *o explain everything to her entire satisfaction." " See here, Oabriella, a man must love a woman a tremendous lot to stand this sort of thing without a kick. Have you :io faith at all in me?" "Oh, repeat it. I heard you ask her that Terv question this morning." -But I can explain everything satishrtorilv."

"So T heard you tell her. Yes. T did, Stephen; you need not try to deny if." Stephen'go* W w ' l h dignified compostnc and began drawing on his gloves in ste.-n silence. If her very damp handkerchief had not intervened she might have detected the >rnile lurking under his moustache.

"Stephen, will you deny that you talkrd to a Theo somebody over the telephone this morning?" '• No, I don't deny it." "Or that vou culled yourself her poor old Steve?" " I)on : t deny that, either." "<sr that yon begged her to tnist you?'' " (Correct." " Because yon could explain everything to her entire satisfaction?" " Correct again." "Well?" " Well, good night, Gabriella." And he was actually gone, done without one word ©f explanation. The nest morning a mysterious parcel was delivered by express at Miss Oabriella Matheson's door. It was accompanied by a note from Stephen Wade, a note which began and ended somewhat abruptly : " I told you I had a comical wedding prc•ent for you. Her name is Theo. She is a wonderful linguist. I hope she will say her little piece like a good girl. On the other page you will find a formula for starting Theo's tongue. She wa£ given to me by a Biarried man, who says he found her'invaluable during the honeymoon, and that the man who gave her to him said the same. Theo's mission in life is to show newly-married men how like parrots they 9*a conduct tHemselves." "Parrots?" Miss Matheson drew oft the lieavy bagging that she had left about her bulky wedding present until she .should decide if Steve's note was sufficiently apologetic to admit of a reconciliation. " So, then, Theo is a parrot ?" Hearing herself called by name the uncanny bird snapped viciously at her new mistress, and shrilled out her catechism : " Don't talk to me, sir. Don't come near me. Pretty hour of the night for a ncvlysowri&d man to be coming home."

'Twixt laughter and sobs (rnbriellfc turned to the second page of her lover's note. Question one she asked : " Haven't you any faith at all in vour poor old Steve?" • " I detest voii. sir. I am going homo to mv mother. " Yes, I am—this wry day." '"But, Theo, I- oan e'xplarn everything satisfactorily." " Don't speak to me, sir ;• don't come near me." Gabrie-Ua shuddered and looked at the feathered monitor with aversion. Did she herself contain such hateful possibilities? She rushed to the- telephone and called up her fiance t " Stevey," she called in repentant tones. A jolly tough came to her* over the wires. " Stcvey," she called in repentant tones, vou'll just send here and take this horrid thing away from me I'll promise you faithfully never to say the parrot's catechism as long as I am your wife." " Sorry I can't oblige you, dear, but I'm under contract for Theo's board and lodging until mv next chum needs her services. Have I explained everything to your satisfaction?" " Yc-es, but I hate yonr Theo as badly as I did before," "Theo is your patron safety saint. She has come to stay," And Theo stayed, but as the old formula fell into innocuous desuetude Crabriella had to give her fresh V.ssons. The new parrot's epistle made for peace and harmony in the pretty new home to which. Stephen Wade soon after eonductt-d hits brido.