POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 29, 3 August 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

B.: Spring to it, spring! # * » Jose: I can take the tax increase as it comes, but my heart goes out to the poor blighter who is on the £8000 a year list. * # -Si It is reported unauthentically that when they heard about the prospect oi "handles" becoming smaller, many strong men were moved to beers. » ■» * Chanticleer, perhaps our leading terminologist, sends this name for a youngster by Paper Money out of Aii Valve: Deflation. Can you better that? * * «• SUPERSTITIONS. Apropos the old racing one about "something black" for luck, did you notice that Lights Out and In the Dark appeared together on the card for a race at Riccarton last Saturday—but it was Nigger Boy that brought homa the bacon. * * * O.W.H. When Oliver Wendell Holmes was still on the Supreme Court Bench, ha and Justice Brandeis took walks every afternoon. On one of these occasions Holmes, then 92, paused to gaze in frank admiration at a beautiful young girl who passed them. He even turned to look at her as she continued down the street. Then, turning to Brandeis, he sighed, "Ah! What wouldn't I give to be seventy again!" * * * WEEPING AND W-ADE-ING. Oh, weep and oh, wail with me Percy, my friend, Mingle your tears with mine Our molars let's gnash, and habiliments rend, As gushes the lachrymal brim. Oh, why should we weep and oh, whj should we wail? And why tear our garments to shjredsl Why gnash with the teeth? Is there naught of avail? What woe is it hangs o'er our heads? The fiat's gone forth and our fate ia decreed We'll just have to bear it, I fear: We copious weep, but are thirsty, in* deed And they've put up the tax on oui beer! HEMI PANGO*; * * * BUDGET POINTS. Gordon and Omadhaun presented their Budget in the House of Misrepresentatives. Some points from theii Budget are as follows:— A General Election to be held after the presentation of every Budget. Special tax to be imposed on disused tram tickets. Special day to be set apart foi Budget "enthusiasm." Special tax to be imposed to ensure that dividend from use of social credit equals 21s in the £. Farmers to be allowed to live rentfree on their own land, with i pet cent, rebate if they growl at this concession. Special brand of political skyrockets to be imported without licence to test out theory of the sky's the limit. Numerous other nebulous proposal! to make New Zealand a land unfit ioi heroes to live in. (To be discontinued.) # * *■ HYMN OF 'ATE. Writes J.M.—My attention has jusi been drawn to "L.D.A.'s" comments on the pronunciation of "ate." Will you be good enough to adjudicate? ] haven't an Oxford dictionary, bul Chamber's, Webster's, and two others I've referred to all give both pronunciations as correct —to rhyme with "eight" or "bet." Possibly the "eight'1 pronunciation is an Americanism, bul t'd like to know, as I was taught thai way in Dunedin some forty years ago —perhaps because my teacher was Scotch? The Concise Oxford Dictionary gives the pronunciation as "et." Some intellectuals regard the "eight" pronunciation as sententious, but thereintellectuals are not always right. According to usage, "eight" is as correct as "et," though the Fowlel brothers would not agree with thai view. This note should satisfy "Jusl a High School Girl," who takes the same view as J.M.

MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. I'm jest a wee bit tired, ole thing. You can't tell whatta day will bring. Larst night our nex' door's only child, Than which no sweeter kiddy smiled Took very sick, an' there she lay, Seemin' to pant 'er 'cart away. 'Er cheeks was flushed like mornia skies In summer, an' 'er dark brown eyes Was bigger than they ought to be As she gazed at 'er ma-'n'-me, Not knowin' us, an' I was near 'Owlin' outright. Site's four last year*A loverly red-'ead with a flock Uv weavin' curls; an' when the doc Came in 'c took 'er small soft 'and 'E gave us both to understand When 'c brought down 'er tempra chure Red-'ead would switch back safe-'n'« sure. When young I longed to be a nurse For good, for better, an' for worse* I'm told I've gotta 'ealin' touch What can work mericals as such. I cured a mean wife-beatin' skunk— 'E was su-perla-tively drunk — By fixin' searchin' eyes on 'im, An' sent 'im skatin' for a swim 'Ead-first into a nearby truff*. By that time 'ed 'ad quite^nough. I'm psychef, too, but that, my dear, Is reely neither there or 'ere. But what I would like to observe Is 'ow the Jap'nese 'as the nerve To ride roughshod on Englishmen An' keep 'em penned up in a pen, . The which they ain't accustomed to-.., 'Ere's lotsa fun for me-'n'-you. *Trough? fPsychic? -# * ♦ PICTURES. After his lecture in a strange town, a well-known American university president was left alone with only an aged janitor for company till train time. "If you don't mind a modesi home," the janitor suggested, "I'd be proud to have you wait at my place You might like to see . . . my pictures." There was an eagerness ir the old voice. Not knowing how tc refuse, the president accepted. But— ! "Pictures!" he thought. He visualised a plush-covered album, utter boredom The janitor surprised him. The ole man, who earned his living with beni back, broom, and coal shovel, laid oui I before the school man not family portraits but photographs of trees. Rathei wonderful photographs. Composed foi beauty, developed with rare skill. / wlHoav tree in a, storm; an ancient oai bathed in the magic r * sunset; a lon< maple at a lane entrance; silver birchei in a twinkling fairy dance. "You dc all this—yourself?" exclaimed the as tonished guest. "Yes, it's my recrea tion."