POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVI, Issue 150, 22 December 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Add to the list of those who can tak« it: Pickpockets. * « * Jon. —Blondes are better sports than brunettes: at least they're fairer. •m- * # Still, better that a boxer should carry fishing sinkers in his pants than a horseshoe in his glove. * « • Henry.—A Scot of our acquaintance once gave himself away—the only thing he ever did give away. * * # WHY BRING THAT UP? Old Salt: "Sea sickness, sea sicknessl There ain't no such thing these days; not with your luxury liners, your pills and potions and preventives. Back in the days of sail, them was the days, as they say in the classics. Them wai the days for sea sickness. One dark, dirty night we brought up Karori light!" WINSH. * * * INTERROGATION. These men who can rule the world, men of muscle, square jaws, jutting determination, and all the rest of it —can they rule themselves? Can they, for instance, when bitten by a mosquito, refrain from scratching? (Presuming, of course, that a mosquito could get past the Fascistii, th» . banditii, and the restitii to plunge th« fatal dart deep in the demigod's palpitating epidermis.) Merry Christmas! HORIRI. * # * BRIGHT IDEA. Dear Percy Flage,—Have you noticed that the Railway Department has just built the largest dredge in the world?, And when it was recently started to work on the West Coast the Minister of Mines said that it would do tha work of 10,000 of the old pioneers of the Coast. These same pioneers would expect to make not less than £4 per week to live not very luxuriously on at that time about an ounce of gold per week, nearly 500,000 ounces a year, worth today about £4,000,000. This would be better than running railways. Perhaps the Minister would consider the advisability of building half a dozen dredges, which would not onlymake good the railway losses but would leave quite a large surplus. JOHN THOMPSON Island Bay. » - • • SOLUTION. Dear Flage,—Here's a really bril* liant solution of Saturday evening* brain-tickler. I would respectfully suggest that the said gentleman kept a few ducks. It's hardly probable, d'ye think, that he'd attack a couple of goose eggs first thing. And, by the way, he's lucky to get two eggs fofl brekker. Where I board we get onefried in bacon fat. Well, along with the rest, I wish you a pleasant escape from the windy village and Col. 8, and don't overeat on the Christmas dinner. KILOWATT. A poultry dealer called Beggs Sold the breast and the wings and th« legs; But he scored now and then In the case of a hen And he kept all the' posthumous eggft, '■. ; . ■ •■;; . G.M.c. Masterton. ' ' T ,' : ,'ZNot so, my* brother. • # # ♦ :v'PROTEST. Dear Flage,—What has been the matter-matter, ever since those cows of cockies carted their sets into the cowshed to get the floVing bowl filled?. . v The bhoys who bless Bacchus believe the cows of barmen ought to listen to .the same old song when they try to push the bottoms of the handles down with pressure from the pump. We have had rising costs explained, but our dear M.J.O. could explain, if only as a Christmas-box to his electors, how to stop the bottoms of beer handles rising. If something is not done quickly there will be no room left for the froth that likes to stay on top, if only as a temporary measure. It ~ has been said that the present has no room for old ideas and measures, but do not let a" catastrophe occur with } the contents. —I am, your DISMAL DAN. ( * # # s ■'' • _ MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. Not long to Crismus now, ole dear, An' then we'll 'aye a brand Noo Year, What makes me think uv what it's got For all uv us. I get all 'ot An' bothered, 'cost it's 'ard to "say What'U turn up from day to day. But this I know, an' do declare We've gotta take what comes —sfli there! An' not squeal neither. Still, I s'pose. Since all folks guess an' no one knows, *This time nex year we'll 'aye found out —■ What was our fate, or thereabout, An' we will sit as we do "how With beatin' 'carts an pluckered brow* An' arsk each other as uv yore What lies be'ind, what waits before, An' since no one can't tell, you seeg.. It don't 'elp things mater'ally. 'Am sandwidge please. I guess it's uj| To me when you 'aye filled my cup To toast the fans who lend a 'and (Two, sometimes, if you understand), Most kindly 'elpin" me along . When wrong is right an' right art wrong. . In other words, when, dear, I'm stuck For things to say, an' outer luck. I'll say, they're good scouts one-'n'-all. Nothink's so great for them, or small. For them to do. They're jest top'ole, I'll tell the world, an' maybe they roll In 'ealth an' 'appiness serblime At the approachin' Crismus time— If it don't rain, an' skies are blue— An' back their shares t>f winners, too. An' gen'rally go bjitke-'n'-gay . . * Who is that fat-face^ <%iyway? * * * ■ THIS WEIRD WORLD. Blackboard instruction for pickpockets and regular course of study were revealed when a notorious Egyptian pickpocket, Hassan Aly El Zayat, appeared before the Cairo summary court. The "school" was Hassan's bedroom. Hassan, said the police, gave regular daily instruction to his class. The room contained chalk, diagrams, and dummy figures for advanced pupils, in addition to blackboards. Part of the course consisted of "field practice -work," by which each pupil went Out as an understudy. Examinations were held monthly. Merit was rewarded with free cinema tickets. Lake Senorett, a SO-square mile sheet of water in the southern Chilean Andes, disappeared overnight. Superstitious cattlemgn accustomed to lead their animals to drink at the lake are terrified by the phenomenon which they think portends evil. Several small hotels catering for invalids who took medicinal baths there are faced with ruin. The Chilean Geographical Institute has sent an expedition from Santiago to investigate the cause of the sudden drying-up of the lakt*, ! which some attribute to subterranean 'yolcanic activity,