POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 55, 6 March 1937, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

By Perct Flack.

Chronicle and Comment

These larger-family drives should naturally end up in "baby buggies." M.J.C.—A slacker is one of those fellows who always grabs the music stool when the piano is to be shifted. * » * We have no comment to make on the cable anent Coronation robes, because all those details appeared in this, column last Tuesday. It.will be interesting to see whether. Mussolini's son and his latest daughter-in-law will play the game in papa' 3 birth-rate drive. # * * Sir Harry Lauder gave an audience the other evening a couple, of songs. Another Scot, less famous, was. content to give his welcomers an ingratiating smile. ' ' ' ' ♦ « * - .: ," HANDS OFF!' For Heaven's sake don't let the Hon. Bob be muzzled, as requested by.that Auckland union, because in'these'drab days of increasing" taxation and rising food prices the slightest relief is welcome. ..'■■■-'.• HUMOUR WHENCE HUMOUR ■ . : . . - IS DUE. ♦ *. . ■ '"' # . . " . COMPETITION. Here's how and where we. keep ou? word—somewhat belatedly, according to one of our clients.. You are requested to .complete this limerick by adding the missing last line—. There once was a girl chimpanzee 'Who lived all alone in a tree. . : A python espied her, ■ . . And snaked up beside her, -. That's an easy one- to begin wilS» Let's see what you can make of it. "RUTHLESS RHYMES."As a "follow up" of a "ruthless rhyme" published in this column some time ago, "Angie" Pratt passes on this one of "Adrian Porter's—it is titled . "The Perfect Pest"— ■ • •'.. When our kitchen boiler burst. Father merely, sat and cursed; ' Mother, with a; kinder feeling, Scraped the housemaid off the ceiling. We should like to lay our hands ont others like this. They're great fua» and clever. ... # '# .., ♦ ■"■" :■. . AN OLD SONG. Lord Nuffleld, oh," Lord Nuffield! Would it' provoke your wrath To hear Poneke whisper, "We want a tepid bath"? ( • Oh good and gracious giver,' • "Who giveth, ever hath"; Poneke is so dingy, : - • Because it needs a bath. ■ Of all we are most backward Upon ablution's ■ path; We feel ashamed to tell you ' We want a tepid bath: — : Which means we want good hot oneSj In buildings lined with lath; ! Oh lord of "every bounty, ' " ' We want a City.^ath! " v: ■■ •"■ A. .■# ■ # •'■♦ : SCHOOL'S IN. '; '"; Do you know that— 1. During 1935 Germany brewed 880,000,000 gallons of beer to England's 747,494,000,-. France coming ■ next wittt 264,000,000?,; ..... ; - ~v . ..• ,_. : . -~v . 2. A.bpy in. Vera: Cruz-State, has been born with seven, fingers ort his left hand, six on his right .hand, and sis toes on each foot?: _,-. : , 3. The origin, of the -name ."bridge"l for the. card game is a corruption, oil I the Russian . "biritch" (the-same card! game), which became anglicised taj "biritch"? . . ■: . • 4. Dietitians assert that there is lesS nourishment in six cupfuls of beefl tea than in one slice of bread? 5. The bicycles used in America's! six-day races weigh only nineteen: i pounds, are composed of 1400 different parts* and cost between £20 and £25?jj 6. The American people. pay. oufl; 4,500,000,000; dollars annually -for .the(| salaries of their public servants, Fed*' eral, State, and local? . 7. Charles Hooper, of Idaho, has.^ the past ten years had some "78,008. letters, written in English, French, Gew' man, Spanish, and Italian, published iiilf thirty countries?"? ■ ; ■■' ■ : 8. That a machine has been invented; which can ; carve as many as 270,000(1 parellel grooves to the inch in aij strip of optical glass or 'specutuny metal? : ■' '■' 9. Foster A. Lockhart, ■ the bee man of Lake George, New York, receives' 25 dollars a thousand for bee stings which are ground into a rheumatismj remedy? ;:■■ ■ ' 10. The Italians invented-the ternt "influenza," meaning "influence," ■ in' the 17th century, and attributed the! disease to. the influence of ■ : -certain' planets? , . ' . * -■*~.♦.•.■•. ' INTO; THE DARK . . . This is one of the earlier poems of the gifted Dora Hagemeyer, a -New Zealander exiled, not unhappily, in Carmel-by-the-Sea,' an Eden of a watering-place in California. Into the dark now let "me"go'unseen} There is no need of comfort nor of ' sonS- ■ ' ■ , , ■ , Winter in season must .be sharp and To check the leaf and make the rooting strong. ' ■ . . - _■ Too long a Summer makes a sickly, Spring. ' ■. ~ Better that trees in nakedness should Bitten by frost than that, the leave* should cling And make pretence of pleasure in ths land. . r Even alone and silent let me go . . , The wind is rising on a barren hir^i And restless wings are beating overw head. . . , 1 Grant me no pity when the storm peatf low, , , ' "■ 'i For they shall bear a light serene, an* Who have no food but solitude fott' bread. ,: *. ■ # . • ■■■■ i COURT SHORTS. Solicitor: If your wife says'you won'S get up in the morning, will that ba1 1 Husband: No, because I am always! out of bed at 11.30 a.m. Clerk: Is your sister younger that* 3°Man: Yes. sir. You see. she was bora before I was! Constable: I said to defendant, "So far your statement stands uncorroborated." Defendant said, "Then let ma sign it again." Woman: I thought my husband was going to be on my side, but his expression was decidedly anti-wife. Solicitor: Were you looking whera you were going? , Cyclist: Of course. I was looking, straight behind me. ■ Woman: As soon as the Scotsman, moved into our road he.and my husband took an instant dislike to each other. Now the whole nighbourhobd goes in fear of an accident. Husband: I get 4s 6d a week pocket! money out of which I have to give my wife 4s, the cost of a summons, so that she can bring me to court.