POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 48, 26 February 1937, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

St Percy Flags.

Add definitions: A highbrow is on« who despises reversible ties. . The real diehard works himself (or , herself) to death trying to earn .a '■' living. ' . » •»■'#. The trouble with sit-down strikes is that they can .so easily develop into stand-up fights. ■. ■ Whatever his political critics may say of Mr. Stanley Bruce, .it is a unanimous opinion that he would be a much lesser man without his impeccable spats. » * * • We would like to know (1) how: many ( of the Test players didn't use sleeping powders last night, and (2) _ how many Melbournians had to stayaway from the office today because th« wife was ill. ' ♦ ■ " •..■■..•-'. News heading— SODIUM CHLORATE BURNS. Thanks for ,the warning. »•■ • • BERLIN CALLING. Dear Percy Flage,—On Saturday evening we heard this from, a Germau short-wave station: — "Hello, Australia! Today we have a message for Mrs. Dachshund, of Wooleemoomoo*. You will be glad to hear, Mrs. Dachshund, that some of your relations in Germany are still alive, and are living in Hamburg." . Remarkable! They must be of Aryaa stock to have survived for so long. Yours, .'..-■. GEMINI. 'Fictional names. Didn't quite catch. her name. ■ ' . . . ■ . * #..*;... "THE CHAIR." Next week, as a cablegram told us, a negro homicide is to be electrocuted. A few months ago Sing Sing .officials noted that the age of: inmates of the . "death row" was dropping. The average age of twenty-two slayers was well under 25. At present, ten youths under 21 are held for execution. Governor Lehman, on being petitioned for clemency on behalf of six young men, of whom three are 21 or less, refused the petition, and remarked: "I can see no difference in the guilt of a maa of 20 years and a man of 22 years, and I do not think that the State is yet ready to take the step which will completely abolish capital punishment* Later on we may give you some details of a New Jersey newspaperman who has "covered" 116 of these grim assignments —a record. • '-•.■ » PENSIONERS. Only the other day.-the Minister of - Internal '■ Affairs gave the newspapers an impressive list of figures relative to our pensioners. It was clear that the Minister was rather proud of the Government's achievements in that field. He may be interested to 'read that Britain is on the way to becoming a nation of pensioners. There are now more than 4,000,000 people in Britain drawing State pensions of one kind or another, in addition to 3,000,000 who are receiving the dole or poor relief. The .-■■ pensioners are receiving1 £ 160,000,000 a year, while the dole and the poor-law are costing £140,000,000. ; The yearly bill, therefore, comes to £300,000,000. This year blind people • are to receive pensions at forty years of age instead of fifty, and some hundreds, of thousands of black-coated. workers and small business people will qualify for the contributory pensions. The main groups of pensioners include 870,000 widows, and more Jhan half a million children. , Over 900,000"- men and 800,000 women are drawing the old age pension. War pensions and allowances are still being provided for over a million people. In addition, 1-500,000 men and women receive £100,000,000 a year in unemployment relief. . ■. • # . •■ BILL McCLANCY EXPLAINS. Dear mister Flags I've gotta write to say that Marne ain't well tonight avin' 'er ousemaids knees again what give exkruschenatin' pain so that I've got to get the tea an' sweep-'n'--wash up after. She is very nervice like uv late The suddent bangin' uv the gate^ sets 'er nerves jumpin' and 'er 'andf what once was strong as iron bandf was all conked up I took 'er to the quack who said hey this wont do your quiet run down your knees are crook your face 'as gotta 'angdog look the only medsun you need buy is-a long ollerday don't cry an' failin' that 'c turned-'n'-said To me She ain't been prop'ly fed she Wants a-changer dite let's say two dozen oysters hevery day with spinnige an' a bottler beer ' . but no Pork chops an' gin no fear try that an' if it Don't work well you gotta see she 'as a spell a islands trip's the nex' best thing ta bring 'er Right again an' bring that schoolgirl culler to 'er^cheek come back with 'er this time netf week dear Mister flags it would be nice to 'ear what you sir would advice I ain't too fit meself an' beer An oyster's though their pretty dear seem' as I am now. on suss , oughter be good for both uv us Opin' this note'll take Your fancy yrs trooly mister Bill mclancy P.S. I 1 spose you cudden lend me ten bob over the weekend. # # * DYNAMITE! Mysterious Happenings at Raumati South. Dear Mister Flage,—l am writing t» tell you the true story of a very strange happening which occurred in the^bovementioned locality last week. On Tuesday, a friend and me were doing som» dynamiting there, and placed twentytwo plugs under one log to make sure it would rise. It rose all right, but that isn't the point. Just as it was about due to depart who should come suddenly strolling out oh top of it but our old cat, Friday. Well! What could I do? I called,to him. I pleaded with him with tears in my eyes, but all to no avail. He just stood there preening himself, looking back kind of disdainfully at me. And then—poof! The last I saw of old Friday was a kind of black streak against the sun and getting smaller every minute. That was on Tuesday. The following Thursday afternoon I was riding past close to the same spot, thinking of Friday, and very sad at heart when, without warning—krrr-plump! R,ight in the road in front of me lands something black and clawing. Yes, Mister Flage, it was Friday sure enough, and, apart from a .suggestion of dark rings under his eyes, none the worse for wear. • ' But, the mystery—this is where the mystery comes in. Either someone else was dynamiting last week, too; or else —well!—I don't know what to think. You see, he wasn't alone when he arrived back. Tliere was a woman cat and two young children cats along with him. Hoping you may be able to she 4 some light on the case, I am, yours truthfully. TWO-GUN PETS.