POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 60, 8 September 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE What a ready-made Minister of Fin ance is going to waste in Mr. McArthur. ** » # From "Bolivar": Piprylaecellyata is the name of a new flower, but it is not expected to bo a pronounced success. * # ■ ■. i .. #■ • ',<.■■ ; # Maybe M. Litvinoff will now be asked to return that N.R.A. badge they pinned on his lapel some months ago in Washington. » • * Someone has invented a gadget which! can produce bubbles five feet in, diameter. It remains now only for him, to find a market for five-foot bubbles. .» '*'.:_ ' • American *court news item: Judge awards a girl three cents for a stolen kiss. That's--a great price for a kiss these days, when so many girls are giving them away for nothing, and glad of the chance. *. ■ .» ■ * NEAR ENOUGH. One Dr. Hubble finds from his latest researches that "the universe is a finite sphere 6,000,000,000 light years in diameter, composed, of 500,000,000,000,000 nebulae." A trifle smaller than w» imagined, but 'twill serve. # » \« NOTE ON "BRAIN GUT." Newest Novel of the Hard-Boiled School. '' Brain Guy's'' tough, "Brain Guy's" rude; It's nasty, rough; ■lt's Very Lewd. It's worse than Hammett Or Fanny HillNow read it, dammit— Of course you will I "K" in 'Frisco "Examiner." # # » THERE ARE SKIS AND SHES. Dear Perce, —I see that the New Zealand Ski Club has decided that the word "ski" is to be pronounced "she." I also see th'at a tram conductor was surprised to find a pair of skis nine odd feet long on his tram, forgotten evidently by an enthusiasts alpinist. " "Barnacle Bill" on our job says he has a she under five feet high that he would .gladly forget if he could put her on that tractor of Byrd's which is going shortly to the advance air'observation station. He reckons anyway that the chap was a real wise guy who could forget two "shes" at one crack. MITIERE. # .'*■■'■ * ■ LITERARY INCONGRUITIES. A final instalment of quaint errors perpetrated, by literary men. Charles Merouvel wrote: She raised her white arm modelled like that of Venus da Milo. (That lady has, of course, lio arms). In "The Marriages of Paris" Edmund About •wrote: Victorine closed, ber eyes and continued reading. A popular French • author, Gusta\?e Aimard committed himself to this statement: They- were many miles from the two corpses, one of which was full of life. And lastly, listen to Henry'Murger in "Scenes: of the Life of Jerusalem": At the bottom of his chest, immersed in an,ocean of tears, his heart, assassinated by his sufferings, wildly, shouting for help.

SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that:— (1) Elephants in Kandy, Ceylon, are compelled by the authorities to carry; head and tail-lights? (2) A milepost in Ireland reads:"2 miles to Cork. Those who cannot read inquire at blacksmith's shop? (3)' A "paupers'• party'' has been, founded at Tinghsicn, Hopei Province, to fight high rents and excessive taxation ? (4) The Soviet has found more than £125,000,000 worth of gold, silver, and gems in untouched church treasure in Kiev alone? (5) In Paraguay there wore eleven women "to every man—before that country plunged into war with Bolivia? "(6) The largest municipal housing es« tate in the world is claimed to be Becoutree, Essex? It was begun by the London County Council in 1920, and there is now a population of 120,000. (7)" A ladder-maker of Southampton England, who is 104 years of age, still take an active interest in his business? (8) Nothing ever grows under th« weeping willow tree because it drips "heavv water," which kills everything on which it falls? (9) The 694-members of the United Dairies Long Service Corps, England, have a total of 26,056 years of serviceto their credit? ', . , (10) The crown of Catharine the Second,. Empress of all. the, Russias, we'ighs 121b, contains 5000 diamonds, many large rabies, and is valued at £5,700,000? ' • * *

SCIENCE IS WONDERFUL. Science is great, without a doubt, It puts most hopelessly to rout Long-cherishe'd concepts bearing on Life in the ages dead and gone, Life as it will be aeons hence, When man shall touch omnipotence— , If this old planet shall contrive To be in those days still alive, And not a dried-up blob, or wors«, Careening down the universe. Science is great, without a doubt, It spends years finding out, And more years to disprove what it . Had deemed a scientific hit. Is it abashed thereby? Not so, That wouldn't do at all,, you know. If it should sky the towel, why, The Zaharoffs would weep, and die, And man be free of fear's dark spell ... Which is, of course, unthinkable. Science is wonderful, no doubt, It gave us aspirin, makes hair sprout, Or wilt (with electrolysis), Lipstick to aid that clinging kiss, A little knob with' which we may Silence tho crooners leagues away, And so on; but, though it is great, It is unable to create—And this is. scandalous, indeedEven a grain of mustard seed. # # * - LIGHTER . SIDE OF TRADE. An English trade publication thai "Efficiency Magazine," has its lighten moments. Recently it printed the following stories which won prizes offered by'a; Regent Street firm for the twa best, jokes: A certain small towa had bought a new fire engine. The chieJJ suggested to his men that an appro* priate motto should be placed over ths fire station. After, the matter had been debated for some-time, one of th« firemen said—"l propose this motto—- ' May this fire engine be like the old maids of this town—always ready butt never called for.'" A philanthropic business man pre* sented A large concrete bathing pool tfl the local lunatic asylum." When it was completed, he went to inspect it. "How will the patients like it?" he asked, the doctor. "Oh, very much indeed," said the doctor, nervously.. "Alreadjj they are jumping off the side and slid* ing down the chute. A. few are going off the diving-boardi But of course they will enjoy it more ; when we put the water in."