POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 34, 9 August 1934, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

As Hindenburg has entered Valhalla, Hitler cannot expect ever to meet hint again. *. * , » . ■ ■ As a follow-up: Can anyone recall a Communist who came into a nice "spot" of money and continued to bo a Communist? ■» <■ '. «- G. K. Chesterton tells us: Parliament is a thing corrupted; but it is not a corruption. It is a thing poisoned; but it is not a poison. We've wondered for a long tirno what was wrong with ours. -::• ■*,■■*■. (APOPHTHEGM. Early to bed, and early to rise, Keeps you from getting dark ring* round tho eyes. «• .#■■■# '. ' : THE EGEEGIOUS HUEY. ' Last year, Senator Huey P. Long, mentioned in the cables, "made the headlines" for quite a while when he emerged from a toilet with a rich black eye, a mussed-up collar and tie, ait aureole (so to speak) of strong liquor,, and a story of how he had been hald up by a brigand—or something lilca that. '.r « * INFOEMATION BUREAU. " Shamateur. "—The Australians aro much better off. A professional playing in a Test match is given £40 .-and a third-class return ticket to his destination. That sum is only £20 abovo the pay ho would receive for playing in two' county matches, so that it may; be regarded as being £2p for the admitted privilege* of playing for England. Out of thatj £.20 he must payj all his own expenses—even to tho meals and refreshments he-may need on train journeys. . . '■> * * ■ , . UNCLE IS PUZZLED. Uncle- William Jones, aged 5, 0:8 Walton, Street, Knightsbridge, BW, is puzzled because he has a nephew twico his age; his grandfather is older than his father's grandfather; his uncle's first name is Colonel, bnt he is really a sergeant; one of his sisters married a Mr. Linnett and another a Mr. Sparrow. Willies father explains tho merry mix-up in these- words: My father; married at 52, when my mother was ]£>, and her father was only 42. My daughter was married and had children before Willie was born. It's as simply as that. «■ -X # INCKEDIBLE—BUT TRUE. That ring-side spectator who was killed by a sword tossed out of tho arena by a bull (see yesterday's cablo news) was unlucky, but there have been others almost equally so. A Bermondsoy girl stumbled over a pair of Bhoes in tho dark, struck her head against a, gas sto.ve, and died from concussion. An elderly woman in. a New York suburb was brought .down by a hit-and-run dog when crossing the street, thrown under a passing car' and killed. A Cataloninn girl who was using crutches because of a sprained ankle tripped over them, and fractured her spine. Fellow workmen fled in all directions as a man.at New Albany, Indiana, dropped a heavy box of dynamita he was loading on a barge. The dynamite did not explode, but tho box rebounded from a ledge, fell., on tho loader's neck and broko it. Lastly, some years ago, a veteran mountaineer of the- Lakes district, England, climbed a tree to release his nephew's kite," a branch broke, and he tumbled to the ground, breaking his neck. -::- * * MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. (Via the Cook Islands.) Oh, 'allo, dearie; take ycr chair — Well, today's weather ain't too fairy' This rain an' gale don't mako yer feel Too young, when 'alf yer joints congeal. Mo. nephew Eddie's* just been 'ere, Telliu' mo talcs of doin's queer In the Cook Islands, where 'c sells Fish-'ooks, an' kilts for nut-brown gels. Down there, the folks live 'appier lives Than we; they don't need forks or knives Ter scoff their serau (all got fer "nix"! Prom Nacher's bounteous box-o'-tricks); While mugs like us pays rates an' rent. An' sweats' like 'ell to earn our bread (Exceptin' "yeggs" in durance pent Or "plutes" '00 spend their days in bed). Me nephew, au' 'ees nut-brown crowd They lives like Nabobs, doin' proud Their "turns" on umpteen kinds o* fruits Ah' fish, an' taro grown in mud; (Which tastes, 'c ses, just like a "spud") An' ambles round without their boots. Mo nephew says 'o pays no rent, 'E does 'is "doss" inside er tont; Even the "skecters" ain't too bad, 'Strewth! But I'd like ter join the lad (This "southerly-buster" grim-'n'-gory: Makes me feel headed fer Karori). Of course, 'c ses, '0 lacks a few Of pleasures, such as me an' you Can 'aye up 'ere; 'c sees no shows, An' bread, plus butter, seldom, knows ('E ses, ships call but twice a year; 'E 'asi to order Christmas cheer 'Way'back in May; but still, : 'E never needs a liver pill). 'E's better orf in tropic land - Than we are in this "buster " blowln* ( —l'll get yer "gamp" out' from ther stand; Sorry it's time yer must be goin'). Well, so long, dearie, mind yer twin&es (Cripes! This door'll bust its 'inges!). ' *lii confidence: Eddio is Tukapapi. Koko, our Cook Islands postscripter. '. ■ ■■».. «' ■ * THE AMAZING LUBBOCK. Farther details of tho activities of that extraordinary man, Sir John Lubbock. In a long and busy life (says one commentator) Lubbock ambled iv, an aggravatingly amateurish way over tho whole range of human knowledge. He took everything from entomology; to politics in his stride. " Ho studied ants ancl primitive mcii and considered ants \ superior to men, whether ancient or modern. He tamed a queen wasp as a pet and taught it to eat out of his hand. Ho educated a dog to pick out cards on which were written the words "biscuit," "water," "bone," "walk." He selected from tho literature of tho world one hundred books which he thought everyone ought to road. His own literary output was astounding. Ho wrote dozens of books and'hundreds of articles on anthopoiogyy botany, geology, zoology, entomology, "bunking, and education. His "Pleasures of Life" ran into fifty editions, and was translated into thirty foreign languages. Ho was the first man ill England louse the phonograph for dictating his literary output, and the first to have his picture taken by modern phGtogrnT'fcjv Ho uevoir wasted a minuto He wore elastivsicl Hi boots, and explained when., his family. cb;ieeS> ed that one could learn-a language in 'tho-time- taken to lace .it button boots. Here are two entries from his fliury recording. bis> engagement f> Iris first wife: "Wrote to Nellie to ask her to marry." Then, a few -days I'iter: "NeK lip said i-hc would." Lubbock was • patronising pacifist, thought old ag» ■pe.isiomi a menace to tha. Empire, -tip'A believed it was tho duty of tho poor tft be as industrious and thrifty as kill ant ieolonjes* •..-.-.■•■ '■■■<