POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 109, 11 May 1933, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

•V PERCY FLAGE

Paraguay's patienco has been exhausted. After three years of sanguinary lighting in the Chaco, she has at last declared war against Bolivia. * « • Adverting to the aims of the W.E.C. Mr. G. Lansbury wants to know exactly what is meant by "raising the world wholesale prices." Why, raising world prices wholesale, of course. «■■ . # . « "M.P.T." thiuks that if those new stories \illeging molestation of Jardine's •men when train travelling aro true it was tho Englishers, not tha Australians, who should have' worn that padded armour under their shirts. * . .' • ■.. • A BOOTLESS BOON? The Government has decided, Bays Mr. Forbes, to provide relief workers with boots suitable for their work. The next provision, under normal circumstances, would bo an opportunity of using thes» boots in their work. WANGANUL #.-.- ■ • ■ ■ .■»-■ HADS. Being warned that a well-known Persian proper name is included in this jumble, take a little time, to try to make sonso of it: "Smith, whereas Hadhad had had 'had,' had hid 'bad had.' Had 'had bad' had Hadhad and his colleagues' approval, Smita would havo passed." * • ■ • "HEAVE AWAY!" Dear P.F.,— Last night's fiageism anont th 9 "heaving to(o)" when tho VVanganella was storm bound in tho Tasman suggests that the crew of the Maunganui also "heaved" very "freely."—but move in sorrow than in sympathy, mothinks. "VAST HEAVING." P.P.S.—"Vast Heaving." is Scandinavian for stop heaving. '» • • SABCASTIC-LIKE. Dear Flago,— Once more unto the breach ... Hoif wo are going to manage without Gcorga and Bob I don't know; and why should they have to put up with the inconvenience of running over to London? I'll tell you., The world has need of tfs, and we must do our duty. Now you tell mo one, Percy. Who will run tho Conference for the first two days whilst our boys aro still travelling^ Surely, tboy know over thcro that it can't b» a show without "Punch." MAC. */■'•■ # LET'S HOPE IT'S A DIVA'S FABEWELL. Dear Flage, '' ■ • ■ Tho time has unfortunately arrived whou "Ananias" has to say farewell. To say the least of it lie has bad a merry inniugs, and to the many road* era of good old Column 8 bo extends th« best of good wishes and the hopo that he will not be entirely forgotten. Tho Maid of tho Mountains—revised a llttto to meet the occasion—supplies tbe swan, song. "Farewell! No sadder word was ever P spoken ■ ' ' • By such' a luckless liar. Farowell! Tho old familiar tiesar» broken I must now retire. Farewell to all of you in Column Eight No more to you can I relate Those episodes galore Which once I told of yore . • * * Thoso lies can be no more. Farewell! Farewell! " ANANIAS." *• . * BAVENOUS DEES. Dear P. Flage,— ' We hear many fish and golf stories but this is a deer story. - I was recently shooting in tbe couth where I mot a farmer who told mo the eleer were so plentiful that they wero eating his turnips. So- bo tied a dog in the middlo of his turnip patch. After a night or so the deer got so usod to the dog they ate all the turnips except the turnip the dog was lying on. Then they waited until the dog moved so that they could eat that one. HUNTER. * * * MOUSING TEA MONOLOGUE. Dear, could you guess I 'aye to say Sontetbink momentuous today? You know when Mame is cool-'a r-caW She don't) wish nobody no 'arm. ' That goes for now. Well, I 'avc 'earl Per favour uva little bird Both Forbes-'n'-Masters plans to tak» Hoes wife with them when toon theyj - mako 'Orf 'ot for London. I dunno . . * It seems to me I wouldn't go If ,BUI was George an' I—*hem— Was the proud wife of a P. Hem. An' why ? I'd say to Bill: •' Look 'or* The corst uv livin' is too dear, The country's 'ard up as can be, An' maybe more so prescnlec, So, jest to keep down over'ead You go, Bill; I'll stay 'ero instead." Then I would say: "In times like thes* Let's make a moral guesturc, please. If I, lika Cinderella did, Stay 'omo, 'twould save a, good few. quid.. Which this fair land can not afford To spend on joints like this abroad Unnecessary." Then I'd add: "I'd go, dear, was things not so bad> To travel to the 'alls uv fame Would be dead letter days for Mame. But there—you 'clp mo to be strong, An' pack your gear an' trot along. Maybe I'll 'aye another chance When slump 'as ceased hees devil d*n«c, An' gnashin' hoes false teeth with rage, Goes ataggerin' snake-like orf the stage. Yes, Bill. I'll make the sacraiho**..*Is that jost silly, dear, or nice} *■. # • TALKING OF WBESTLEBS. Thcro arc wrestler* now in our midst —one with a scjt of whiskers that would have done justice to ft Babylonian tax collector. We'll wager a milk token (quart size, at that) that none of tbe imported or local "rasslors" has beard of Gamn, tho Indian champiou, wbo by now is in London seeking engagements. The modem mat-mauler's publicity monger makes all sorts of sensational claims for his man, but has any of them killed a bear? Gam*'* singlehanded tight with a junglo bear ia known all over India. Out walking one day, bo and his friends suddenly came upon a boar. Gama dashed forward, lifted tbe beast into tho air, and hurled it down—a fierce body slain. It was a boar in extremis when the savago wrestler had done with it. If you doubt this story, let us make it more plausible by telling you that Gama weighs 3691b, and once ■ floored twelve giant, opponents at the same time, swam for ten miles, and then drank half a barrel of beer. . 1 . Sorry, wo should have written "milk." This prodigious athlcto is employed by the Maharajah of P&tiala, and receivw an allowance of 500 rupees % mootfe. A mountain, of * bodyguard, to %*) sure.