POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 8, 9 July 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment BY PERCY FLACE Archaeologists .has not yet discovered where Noah and his marine superintendent built tho Ark, but there was a ship reported on the Koro Koro Hill road yesterday, it was only a small one, true, but if that isn't news then Dorothy Dix is Pola Negri, in disguise. ACCOUNTANCY. Dear Mr. Plage, I think the friend of your friend "Peterkin" was quite justified in returning his account for re-audit.' Surely; he should have been credited with the cost of the two buckets at 3s, which "wooden do" (wouldn't do), making the total of his account 125., It seems like "irony" to be clhargod ISs.— - Yours, F.I.A.N.ZV Not 12s, surely, "F.1.A.N.Z." One'li paid for. * * * DISMAL DRONE OF MARRIED MAN.Dear Percy Flage,— Here is an old war-time jingla adapted to these hard times. It's s. poor heart that never rejoices. "KIN OP 'BETTYKINS.' " Greytown. '■My days they are meatless, and milkless, and wiieatlcss, I'm getting more eutlcss each day. ■ My homo it is heatless,. My bod it is sheetless, My tobacco has vanished away! The bar-rooms are -trcatless, My coffee is sweetless, With sobbing I'm dimming my orbs, My. socks they aro feetless, My trousers arc seatless. Oh! How I do love Mr. Forbes! tl; * ' .» * ■ ■ COURT SHORTS. Prom our usual source, Karori, tfc&s*; "shorts" from English Courts:— Married man, charged at Wood Greea with sleeping out: My when sho came to stay with us, ordered mo out.. ■' ■ . The Chairman, at Kingston: "Guilty or not guilty?" Defendant: "Half and half." Chairman: "Not guilty." Mr. W. B. Luke, the Willosden Magistrate: "There can be no true discipline in the home when the mother goes out to work." Willesden husband: "Her tongue ii awful." Wife: "Thanks to your eight years' teaching." Edmonton husband, summoned by] wife: "I have given her everything in; the homo, from music upwards." Nottingham solicitor: "Were you present?" Man: "I was present while I was there." Woman at Stratford: "I don't want; to bo a lady. I'm what I am—a working man's wife, and that's that." * * * , NAPIER'S NONCHALANT. There is nothing wrong with the fibr* of Napier. It has recently passed, through calamitous times, but philoprogenitively speaking, .Napier is quite itself again. Here is the thrilling intimation, by favour of a contemporary:— An indication of the return to normal conditions in Napier is contained in the number of births re- . gistered at Napier during the month of June, amounting to 27, the same as for the month of June last year. While such a spirit persists among us,the Empire may fairly be regarded as safe. The statistics denote a, confidence in our national future which is wholly, commendable, and serve to show, at the same time, that tho rather lamentable Marie Stopes will have to look to other markets than Napier for royalties on. her best-sellers. . . * * * POOR OLD MAME! On this occasion our Mistresi M'Clancy threatens to break loosa again ... she seems to be feeling her years to-day. And when Maine breaks loose, her cavalier of the moment usually finishes up "broke" and has fa, keep his landlady waiting for the rent. Terrible, isn't it? Listen in on her dulcet mezzo-baritone. Make my tea strong, I've gotter 'cads 'Ad it when I crawled outer bed. I must of been-art orf mc mind— I've left mc haspirates be'ind. Life's 'ard to-day! It seems as though The whole demned world is goin' slow, ' An' soon will stop, leavin' us there Ashes an' sackcloth on our 'air. ■ I'd like to give them optimists A solid canin' on the wrists. I 'ope their chilblains 'urts like —wc-H, So 'ard a lady dursen't tell. That 'Oover business leaves mc cold. All guff. I must be growia' old. : I'd love to 'cave a Boston "crab" At all them silly chumps who gab Of good times comin' and the like— Which shows I fairly got the spike.. There's simply nothin' iv the news To hentertain mc and amuse. I'm fed-up, dinkum, to the teeth, An' "blue" outside and hunderneath. Honest-to-goodness, for two pins I'd break mc pledge an' start more 6hw» Which wouldn't, get mc in the Courts, Of course . . . like Percy Plage's "skorw* No; not like that. I mean the way That well-bred ladies can go'gayt Flauntin' that fancy b'ngery, 'Avin a "snifter" after tea, Doin' the shows with a boy friend Who isn't 'art' afraid to spend, An' does you well in all them ways That calls' for hundiluted praise, An' finish up at Trentham, where One can be swish and debbonair.' With all this rain, the track, I 'ear, .. Will suit them muddy-larks, ole dear* *. * • RE ANCESTORS. Dear Percy, — ... I had, as many another person h-a* had, two parents, four grandparents, eight great-grandparents, aud sixteen great-great-grandparents. Going back another generation or two, I am able to say that one of my ancestors was a chieftain of the clan M'Xean (a fine chap too, in many ways, albeit he lost, his head at' the finish), one was a Cornish miner who wore bowyangs aud suffered from sciatica, while a third was a member of tho French nobility. Who shall say what the other few odd hundreds'were? Going back to only the tenth generation, I have reason to believe that no less than one thousand j listen* ist one sex an 4 "mother were bestirring themselves wife tlie object of causing mc to be born and thus enriching tho world to that extent. I know a chap who claims to have "blue blood" in his veins because ho is- able to "trace his descent" from a notorious and dissolute member of the alleged aristocracy of the Old Dart who cumbered the earth about three centuries ago. Now, what I want to know is, why should he or anyone else get blue blood from ono of his ancestors any more than ho should get green blood with puce stripes from any one of the remaining thousands? And after all, Percy, what is blue blood and what availcth it in comparison with a, few bob in your pocket and the friendship and respect of , y6ur fellow-men? ■ ' ■■ ■