NO TIME TO LOSE.

Evening Post, Volume XCIII, Issue 48, 24 February 1917, Page 16

NO TIME TO LOSE.

They were convalescent. Tommies who had been allowed four days' leave in the Old Country. One day they had Bet apart for a visit.to the local, golf links. A email crowd of admirers'was gathered at the first tee to watch the game, and the first-man teed up with a prodigious swipe. But the ball remained where it was. Ha tried again, without result. Yet again, and still nothing happened. Then his pal could stand it:no longer, and in a voice that could be heard over three counties he cried, "Fer goodness sake 'it, the bloomin' thing. Y'know we've- only got four days' leave." V

The Pater—l never told lies when' I was a boy. The Kiddie—When did you begin, dad ? , ■ .

Edith—You haven't seen my engagement ring, have you? Marie—l: don't know. Who is the man?

"She believes everything.he tells her." "Yee, but I understand he doesn't tell her; very'much." '' ' .'. ."

"I hear that- Pipkins is engaged in literary work." ■ "That's'not bo. All he is doinjr. is writing a novel according to a publisher's, prescription."

Samuel—Do you think your father would object to my marrying you? Sally —I 'couldn't say, Sammy. :If he'a anything lik'e'me he* would. ■ •■

.. Tom-rrWhen you proposed to her I suppose she said, "This is so sudden!" Dick —No; she was honest and 6aid, "This suspense-has been terrible."

"Do .you believe in. the theory that hunger and 'art are inseparable?" "Yes. If an artist is unsuccessful, he starves in a garret.' If he is 'successful; his physician'compels him to diet.". . . '

She—John, haven't you you fixed the car yet?, John (underneath)— What do you think? And what the deuce is your hurry.? She—Well, perhaps you don't, realise .how uncomfortable I am sitting-" up here in the sun. • .

Murderer—ls this the suy who is to defend, me? Judire — Yes: he's your lawyer. Murderer—T£ he should/die coulil I have' another? 1 Judge—Yes. Murderer — Can I see him alone for, a few minutes?

"Gee. I'd like a sauare meal just once.'' "What's the matter? Aren't you getting enouorh to eat at home?" ' "No. You see, the doctor's put pa on a diet, nnd the rest of .the family, ha" to starve to keep pa out of temptation."

■ The poor of the East .find :of London have a vorv warm'corner in their nen.rts for' th<\ Bishop of London, whom they nfTeot-ionntcly' desorib" a.s "the parson what's pot gaiters on." Dr. Winninn-tnn Injfram has manv'a coorl story tn tell in regard to lii 1? Enst Tilid visits. On one orf^sion he kneked nt'.tho house of a ■Rptl"inl nrepTi family. and after soni" considerable time the d"or wns onni"rl nVinijt n foot hv 'a. smnll ["'<•!. "W"M. S^Hy,"who is.it?" onme a '<li'«+W■' vfviV from a wnshtuK in tl"< Tear. Sn'ily lookprl fiou<r)i*fiillv at'f'™(--l>ic'iop for momfnt. Hi^.n. tur"incr her lie.n.d half toup'l. shoutod: ./'Please, mother, it's religion."

Ml.wßuf.li was rallo<l to the t*>lcr.!ionn ono ■pwshi'"' b"-the only nmn. .«*■» knew wlio YisreA. Vt~ sniti : ' "T.H. t^itv> you. Ruth? Well, gueth who thith ith ?'.'"'

Notion*? mjo an American 1 journalist \vs ne^ii^M to vi^if *V*> fi-nrvpVios '£«ni«cwimro .in . FroTKI"."- .No..firrHin<r of : im-po'fa-nes'vns under wnv th->f d"v. V". snid in ii. lACi'lir >vn" t-o n biV Irish nnvnif. "Wo", tin's isn'f■'rniidi of, a ssr;i" ■" Patrick orrinncd. ■ . "Sure," lie replied, "it's bctthor nor no rorao at all."