LIFE'S FITFUL FEVER.

Evening Post, Volume LXXV, Issue 122, 23 May 1908, Page 9

LIFE'S FITFUL FEVER.

ODD SYMPTOMS.

(By Dr. F. H. Charity.)

"To administer corporal punishment" is a terrible process in these days. Whan it was merely called a wrackery, a beating, or a "lambasting," as it was in tho good old days, there was not much howl, except from the boy. But ever since the operation of applying a rod or strap to a youth was termed' an "administering of corporal punishment^" parents have Been prone to grow excited when their son comes home with, a, section of his body tingling. The other day a - fractious lad at one of the Wellington . schools tried to dictate to the teacher of wood-carving where or how the youth - should be punished. The challenger was ■ immediately accepted, and the "where" was chosen with such nicety as to cause "severe bTuising and temporary incc-n-Tenience." The teacher was charged with assault, and the case* gave the Magistrate some, severe mental exercise. •He argued about the ethics of the rod, he quoted cases recorded in the Law Reports, he parsed , and analysed the possible "manner, look, tone, gesture, and - language of the offender" (the boy), and finally said : "There was some excess in the punishment inflicted, amounting 1 to an assault, but not STifficient to warrant a conviction being entered against defendant. He must, however, pay the costs (£3 12s) of tlie prosecution." . Poor"',teaeliers ! They must be men of infinite , intellect, limitless patience, and , for these boundless virtues^ they are asked to accept very limited salaries. Before a teacher lifts strap to a boy he must first enquire about the antecedents of the lad for a dozen generations back, to see whether there has ever been any heart disease ,in the family. Then he must apply to the Minister of Laoour for a permit, and after this js obtained the thrashing must be ofaly. a theoretical 1 one, or there will be the costs of the 'enquiry to face. When ' families were ; larger the boys got sufficient .spanking \U> make them feel that they were alive, md they grew up healthy in mind and tody. Nowadays the one pet lamb is considered so precious that h<» ( should be • kept m a glass case, beyond, the reach N of' the, chastening cane.

"^Tlkj new syllabus is too ornate. . . . As a secondary schoolmaster I find it a ■' real hindrance in the teaching 'of French ' and Latin that* boys should come to us without the slightest conception of the of case, mood, or tense," > re- \ marked an. Auckland visitor recently. ~/He advocated a thorough-fgfounding in th.c old-fashioned "Three R's." 3rr physics, electricity, Terrestrial eccentricity ' They're all so glib. . Just turn them on astrology, i , Or reeling off zoology, '. -They know each rib. They ''know that bees make honey sweet, ,!•• That .sugar- c£jnes from cane and beet, ' , , \ Yet they can't add. ■ < 'In •cases "of- subtraction,' oh! They're driven to distraction. Lo ! . They ask their dad. They know the saltires of the Flag, That paper can be made from rag, But they can't spell. For trifles such as reading, they Can't spare a moment of their day. "Three X's," farewell ! They know the, cause of dew and rain, The solar system, can explain, They know the stars; And all the sights of earth and air, They know by rote beyond compare, But no ''three R's. " If anything can be of use, They know it not. They have excuse— , The syllabus. •Thff'-c&mmoii.' things that make for bread, TJbe^'tense" and ."mood" are dull as lead, 11 They say : "You wus.

"The 34th Pioneers, while demolishing some of the enemy's toweTs, ' were charged by a body of Fanatical swordsmen. All the latter were bayoneted," stated a cable message from the Indian frontier on Thursday. A sigh for the "fanatics," who one^nd all found death upon- the merciless steel. New Zealanders are Imperialists, of course, but in their jubilation over the hoisting of ; the flag on new towers they do not notice the blood of patriotic "fanatics" .in ' the' shadow of the saltire 'and the cross. To the Mohmand the Briton is a fanatic ; to the Briton the Mohmand is a fanatic ; but the bayonet is stronger than the sword and the Briton neces"sarily wins the argument. We are all fanatics from somebody's point of view. The Auckland tramway strikeo's are "fanatics in the opinion of suburbanites who depend much upon the cars, and 'in the strikers' opinion their former employers- are fanatics. Should all bs . bayonete/i ? An enthusiast, in the minority, is a fanatic; when he has the # big battalions with him he is an Emp'ire-. builder.

Cabinet met yesterday. Sir Joseph opened the proceedings by stating that he was ordering a new suit for the surplus, and would like his colleagues to eu^jest a stylish cut. "Excuse me a moment," pleaded the Hon. W. HallJones. "The Minister of Labour wants to know whether the American fleet can't be induced to arrive before the last football test match is played between New Zealand and Great Britain."

"I think," explained the Hon. J. A. Millar, "that it .would be a distinct slur upon the fair fame and name of our national pastime if the Americans will 'not consent to go a littls out of their way to oblige us."

"I'll take two to one that Roberts scoTes in the Wellington match," interrupted the Hon. J. Carroll.

. ."I've been chatting over matters with the Governor," said the Prime forgetting the Surplus for the 'moment, "and. he is rather inclined to think that 2^ew Zealand " will be. wise to stick to the two-three-two formation against the Britons' three-two-three. I'll ysk the Chief Engineer of the Ways and Means Department to report upon it. Gentlemen, I have fixed up a little programme of entertainments for the visitors. They will have the freedom of New Zealand. The railways, the Tutanekai, and the Hinemou, will be at their absolute disposal. Their arms and accoutrements will be placed for all time in the National Museum, and s in exchange each Briton will receive' £10,000 and two chances in the next land lottery. I'll take that bat, Mr. Carroll."