MR AND MRS BOWSER.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 6033, 27 December 1890, Page 6 (Supplement)

MR AND MRS BOWSER.

[|SV MHS UOWHKi:.]

A waggon from a lumber yard delivered some boards and scantling at the barn the other day, and suspecting t that Mr Bowser had some plot on 1 foot, I went out and asked the man it ] he hadn't made a mistake. ' This is Mr Bowser's place, isn't it.' j he asked. ' «Yes.' . { ' Fat man, with a bald head .' ] ' Yes.' , ' 4 Walks around as if he knew U. all, and nobody else knew anything .'' ' I am Mrs Bowser, sir !* <0h! Excuse me, ma'am. Yes, 1 am sure this is the right place.' _ < What did he buy tho lumber tor '.* ' Said he was going to make an addition to the barn.' ' Very well.' When Mr Bowser came home he avoided me for an half hour, and when I finally cornered him and demanded to know what sort of an addition he was going to make and for what reason, he replied : 'Be sensible, now. Do you knowthat pork has gone up two cents a Po "what of it ' We don't eat a pound of pork a month.' , 'And it is bound to go higher. 'Mr Bowser, you have gone and got another pig •'' ' Don't go oIT the handle now. II 1 can save -Idol, on our slock of winter pork it is my duty to do it.' 'Mr Bowser, I'm astonished, ion got a pig last year, and I thought you had trouble enough to last you a litetime.' , , ..,, 'The wrong breed, my clear. I.lie man lied to me. He was a Galloway Instead of a Durham. I've struck tire right kind of a one this tune, and I got him cheap/ <How much.'' <Onlvßdol.' 'Mr"Bowser, I protest. It anything happens don't blame me.' 'Blame you.'.' How could J. Of course not/ But nothing will happen —nothing but getting a barrel o| pork at about half price.' Next morning a carpenter came and worked all day to make a pen. I saw the bill of all the lumber and nails, and it was over l!dol, while tlin man charged •idol. 50 for his day's work. ' That's almost l7dol. for your pig to begin with.' I said to Mr iiowser when he came home. • That's all right, Mrs Bowser. 1 hat ends the expense. And the profits will soon begin to come m. What is nicer than to go out into your own back yard and see your hog m a pen . When we cat our own pork we slian t worry about trichina or anything else. Next (lav the pig came. That is, they called* a pig. It was n. a wagon, and two men were sitting on it to hod it down. I heard of the pig fhrec blocks away. He bit, one of the men while they were, getting lum into the pen, and, as they started to go, tbe I bitten party said to me : . Any man as will buy and keep a hyena in his back yard is no gentle- , "The beast was no sooner in the pen thin he jegan dashing from side to time uttering *nch huts, a. hoofj that a servant; girl hanging out clothes in a yard across the alley ran into the hmL/xmUried to cal the patrol wagon The beast finally bumped his head with such a force as to stun him, and for the next two hours he looked careworn and sleepy- ' This is something like living, ivclaimcd Mr Bowser as he stood bes.de the pen at noon and rubbed his hands. ; *If we only had a cow and a few hens we'd be almost like 1 armors. 'What breed do you call tins pig .' 1 ?£_•_ see lit has slipped my mind. Ho "matter, however Hcs of the JShtsort, and that's enough, lies ° \.innt -is a k tten in an old shoe. aS Y nionient the ~ig rushed across tho pen and made, a spring winch ft lifted him out, und it was almoS t lilted i o( U)afc accompanied oy » ma de Mr Bowser dodge 'Are you sure its a pig. l n»u.ea. 'Sure it's a pig- Are >'° U * om £ rr JZJ«, Giri him a show You'd CW fl W .cl iust as bad if taken nine E&t_ c.... -«i st ™;e ;, t°S,«»i t'-irlj »< ; tl for ihc 1 lie pv ij at n0 sooner had Mr next hour, g nm ted,growled, TJowser gone i. yavod un til tho sc reamed, shrickt .',. ;i (loxell peddlers ni'c/yjt brought hub hc!ir w i, at into tho , alle y; ' ,'. «w of them they said-only wha . _„ k f Mo cauie to tho B uUvprVrespectful way and said J VC 7w;haVoa dispute, ma'am, a, to x i fV,.it thing is out in the pen. -'■'«•, Wl fi man .ays it's a cundttnmgo. I is .| *?»'__ pig; i "p^-

' Thanks, ma'am. I won't ask you | to write it down. I think I can remember it.' He went back and told the crowd that it was a pig, and the convention broke up in a row just as Mr Bowser got home. For the next two hours the beast was very quiet, beingtired out, I suppose, and Mr Bowser took advantage of the fact to rub his hands and say : ' You wait, and in about a week I'll show you how to farm. 1 At'.S o'clock that evening, just as some friends had come in, that pic; uttered a long, loud wail, that made the cook drop a platter. Tbe wail was followed by a series of barks and squeals, and something crashed against the back gate and carried it into the. alley. ' Good heavens. Bowser, but your lion has escaped !' called one of the gentlemen, and all of us rushed to the back door. The pig was gone. He had cleared the pen. crashed through the gate, and we heard shrieks afar off to prove that he had come in contact with something as he tied. 'You'd better hire a place down town and put your animals in cages,' observed one of the men. ' I shouldn't want no half-turned beasts around my house." Mr Bowser tried io laugh and joke it off, and we got through the evening very pleasantly. The door had only closed on our company, however, when he turned on me with : ' Now, then we'll settle our little matter!' ' What V ■ What! What! About that hog !' ' But the hog has escaped.' 4 Of course he has ! You intended he should ! You were down on him and determined ho shouldn't stay, and you laid your plans accordingly ! Mrs Bowser, you and I can't ' \ ' I had* nothing to do with the hog.' j ' Don't interrupt me ! You can go J to bed. I have a little business on j hand. I want to arrange certain papers to be acted on in the morning !' j L was sound asleep when he crawled i into bed, and next morning he hadn't a j word to say. Even when the girl began splitting up the boards of the pigpen for kindlings he didn't seem to notice it.