DOES HAPPINESS PAY?

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3513, 11 October 1882, Page 4

DOES HAPPINESS PAY?

In a voice as full of music as a buzz saw cutting through a sidewalk spike, the Hon. De Bar announced tho subject of his remarks as above, and continued :—

' Philosophers an' writers of all ages have told us dafc the hight of human ambishun was to be bappy. Pick up a book or newspaper an' you am confronted by de denouncement dafc one who am not happy might as well be dead. We am advised an , talked to an' written to an' urged to be happy, an' it am all nonsense an' has ever been so. In de fust place no one can bo perfeckly happy. When you gifc posseshun of a great big watermellyon an' sit down in an alley to devour it all by yerself yer mouf waters, yer beck sort o' humps up, an' you fondly imagine dafc you am perfeckly happy. Bufe you ainfc. You haven't taken over two bites befo' you remember dat de ole woman wants a porus plaster, an de chill'en "want shoes, an de rent will be due on Saturday, an' a dozen odder fings cum to mind to knock yer happiness higher dan Gilderoy's corn shelter. It's de same "when you play polka an' win 10 dollars. You feel happy fur de minit, an' you dance aroun' on one leg an' chuckle over yer smartness. Den comes de reaxshun. You remember dafc you owe about 50 dollars, an dafc de "wood am out, de flour bar'l am empty an' de children have bin cryin' for bacon. 'In de second place, what's de use of bein' happy? (r-obs from Elder Toots). Happiness doan' increase de price of blackin' stoves. You can't charge any mo' for whitewashin'. (Sensation behind the stove). You can't get any mo' for beatin' a carpet. (Groans of despair). Bein' happy doan' help our credit afc de grocer's or butcher's. (Sighs). What dey want is money, an' not happiness. Show me a happy man who has any mo' to eat an' war dan an' bappy one. (Distressing coughs from all over the hall). Ifc has bin said dafc happiness am better dan riches. Doan' let em , fool you. (Sensation) . De happy man am sent to jail quite as often as de unhappy one. 'In de third place, happiness am not healthy. It runs into liver complaint, cornsumpshun an" palpitation of de hart. We are placed heah on airth to bet on de losin' hoss ; to marry de wrong woman—to catch on to heaps of bad weather and deadloads of tribulashum. Doan' go roun' lookin' fur a happy man. If you find one, he'll be someone so soft dafc dey have to put him on ice. Our greatest an' bes , man am de mos' unhappy ones. Show me a man "who ha 3 lost three wives by yaller fever, six chill'n by de cholera, three or four houses by lire, an' has himself been sent to jail on false testimony, an' I will show you a noble Roman. (Cheers). Thanking you for your parsimonious imprecashuns, an' predictin' dafc de time am not fur distant when de honor of bein' a member of de Lime Kiln Club will be all do houor one man kin lug aroun' in hofc weather, I now deliberate towards do importunity of de infringement., an' bid you good night.'—Detroit Free Press.