Darietics.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume XIV, Issue 1029, 8 May 1857, Page 4

Darietics.

There is a Quaker in Philadelphia, so upright that he won't sit down to his meals. A horse-dealer was offered a bottle of porter to confess the animal's failings. The bottle was "drunk, and then he said the horse had but two faults. When turned loose in the field, he was "baJ to catch," and 1 'he was of no use when he was caught."

Tub Value op a Married Man.—" A. little more animation my dear," whispered Lady B to the gentle Susan, who was walking languidly through a quadrille. "Do leave me to manage my own business, mamma," replied the provident nymph : "I shall not dance my ringlets out of a curl for a married man." "Of course not, my love ; I was not aware who your partner was."

Absence of Mind. — The latest case of this distressing malady was that of a young woman who was sent by her mother to buy a pair of shoes, and instead of buying in em married the shoemker. "What shall I help you to ?" inquired the daughter of a landlady, of a modest youth at the dinner table. "A wife," was the meek reply. The young lady blushed, perhaps indignantly, and it is said that the kindly offices of a neighbouring clergyman were requisite to reconcile the parties.

Curiosity.— Looking over other people s affairs and overlooking our own. "Mother," said a fellow the other day, "is there any harm in breaking egg-shells?"—" Certainly not, my dear ; but why do you ask?"—" 'Cause I dropped the basket just now ; and see what a mess I am in with the yolk !" There is something very conducive to longevity in holding office. To make a man live till eighty, all that's necessary is to give him a salary of ten thousand a-year.