DIVERSIONS

Dominion, Volume 30, Issue 154, 27 March 1937, Page VI (Supplement)

DIVERSIONS

All through a football match au enthusiast, had loudly urged the home team on to victory. Finally, he became Imarse with shouting. Turning to his pal. he said: "Luiume. mate. I believe I've Jost my voice." "Don't worry," was the reply, "you'll find it in my left ear-hole."

A new pastor was hunting up isolated church people. Calling at one cottage, be asked the woman who came to the door if there were any Episcopalians in the neighbourhood. "IVcel, sir, Ah dinua rightly know,” she replied, "but my husband shot some strange creature the ither nicht, ami its skin is on the barn door. Ye might care tae tak’ a look at it.”

The motorist adopted pleading tac-

"I wisii you'd overlook it this time, constable,” he said. "As a matter of fact, I was hurrying to town on very important business.”

“’Fraid I can’t help that,” said the policeman. “I never drive fast as a rule. But I’ve got to get to town quickly to see my solicitor——” “Well,” said the policeman, “you’ll have a bit more news for him now.”

Two women happened to meet in the street. One was carrying a parcel and was asked by the other what it was. “Oh, it's some ham,” was the reply. “I always buy ham at Sandy’s Store. My husband is very particular and likes Sandy’s ham best.” The other thought she would try the ham and off she went to Sandy’s Store.

“I want some ham,” she said. “What kind?” asked the shopkeeper. “Oli, the same as Mrs McDonald gets.” The shopkeeper smiled, and leaning confidentially over the counter, asked: “Whaur’s yer bottle?”

A tradesman was taken ill one iiicl.il, and suddenly died. Ills secrelar; found on his desk a letter which rhe dead man had written the day before, but not sealed. 'I lie secretary sealed and sent Hie letter, having added the following posteript : — "After writing the above, I .suddenly passed away."

The second hammered on Hie resined boards.

"Hit. 'im. lilt ’im!" lie vainly entreated his principal, but the heavy-weight aspirant, hopelessly outclassed, failed to comply. He recoiled dazedly from a vicious attack, and clutched despairing! v al the ring post. “Not will* that, you fool," shouted his second; “you'll be disqualified."

Two boys were teaching a friend to ride a bicycle. After helping him on to the saddle, they started him off downhill. As he did not return they went in search of him, and meeting an old lady asked her if she had seen a boy on a bicycle. “No,” was the reply, “I’ve seen no one except a boy sitting in a ditch mending umbrellas.” * *

The doctor met -Mrs. Brown in the street.

“And how is your husband sleeping, now, Mrs. Brown?” he asked. “Did you give him the sleeping draught?” “Yes, sir,” she replied. “You told me to give him the amount I could get on a threepenny bit, but as I hadn't any silver I used, three pennies, and he’s been fast asleep for five days.”

A young candidate for the Navy was being examined by a board of admirals. One of the “intelligence” questions fired at him was: “What kind of animals eat grass?” No reply. "Surely you can answer a simple question like that!” snapped one of the admirals. "Now. them what kind of animals eat grass?”

“Animals!” gasped the candidate, “1 thought you said 'admirals’!”