PICKLES

Dominion, Volume 27, Issue 111, 3 February 1934, Page 18

PICKLES

They were walking along the beach together. Suddenly the moon came out from behind the clouds and cast its full glow upon them. “Dearest,” she said, gazing into his eyes, “does the moon affect the tide?” He signed romantically. “No da riling; only the untied.” lie replied. Mrs. E.: My husband is very goodnatured. Mrs. H.: Really? An unusual trait in husbands. “Anyhow, I gave him a box of cigars for his birthday, but he only smoked one. He gave the rest to his friends.” *. * ♦ “You have kept my nose to the grindstone for forty years,” protested her husband. “I’ve done more than that,” snapped his wife. “I’ve made you turn the grindstone.” Dialogue overheard on the beach at a West Coast resort. Small boy to his mother: “Mummy, may I go in to swim?” “Certainly not, my dear, it's far to deep.” “But daddy is swimming.” dear, he's insured.”

Witness (in an English court) : “The shock caused my wife to go oil' into asterisks.” * Jack: “This liniment makes my arm smart.” Joan: “Why not. rub some on your head?” * « » If the devil can find plenty for idle hands to do, a number of our fellowcitizens are wondering why the devil he doesn't. 1 "Wonder why the boss keeps that stenographer, she can't spell." “No; casting a spell is her strong point.” Mother (telling story of Sleeping Beauty) : "So tlie maid did not dust, the coachman did not. take out his carriage, (lie cqpk did not make the bread, everything was at a standstill.'' Fritz (aged four) : “I know. Mummy, ■i genera! strike."

A woman in an English court, charged with shoplifting, was asked by the magistrate if she had anything to say on her own behalf. “Yes, sir, I have,” she replied hopefliHy. "1 take only British goods.” » • ♦ “Come and see my car; it's unique,” said Jones. "What is there unique about if?” “H's paid for." * * * This same knotty old Yankee was in his garden one morning when the town’s religious zealot, passing on horseback, called: “Brother, have you made your peace with God?” Ho didn’t hear and inquired : "What say?” Tlie question was repeated and. resting <m his hoe. lie drawled ; "We ain’t come to no open break

The dog is man's best friend. If you keep a dog, there’s never anything left for hash. --- , * * Landlady: “A professor formerly occupied Illis room. sir. He invented an explosive.” New Roomer: "Ah! I suppose I hose .-pots on the ceiling are the explosive.” Landlady: "No. they’re the professor.” * * * Irate Golfer: "You must take your children away from here, madam. This is no place for them.” .Mother: "Don't yon worry—they can't ’ear nothing new. Their father was a sergeant-major, 'e was.” Teacher was telling her class little stories in natural history and she asked if any one could tell her what a ground-hog was. Up went a little hand, waving frantically. “Well. Carl, you may tell us what a ground-hog is.” "Please, ma’am, it’s a sausage." Stage hand (to manager) : Shall I lower the curtain, sir? One of Ihe livin' statues Ims the hiccups!