PICKLES

Dominion, Volume 27, Issue 17, 14 October 1933, Page 18

PICKLES

Client: I want to see some responsible person. Office Boy (under notice) : Then ’ave a dekko at . me. sir. Tin generally blamed for most things wot goes wrong ’ere.” * * *

She shook a bunch of newlycleaned collars in the laundry proprietor’s face. “My husband says if yon send his collars back again in this terrible state he’ll come down and make :i row about it.” she stormed.

The laundry proprietor looked a little scared. Then his attitude changed. “He will, will he,” he said ‘Lets see what size collar he takes. Thirteen and a half, eh? All right, let him come. I don't mind. I'll be ready for him.”

After serving a customer with petrol the garage man asked: “Some motor oil, sir?” “No.” “Anv grease, sir?” "No.” “What about trying my special ” “Look, what do you mean, pestering me like this?” “Well, I was in your barber’s shop last week, and that’s just how you treated me.”

Jim: “I see you’ve got one o' them shirts wi’ a patent fas’ner on, Bill. ’Ow d'yer like it?” Bill: Orright. Jim: ’Ow long ’ave yer 'ad it? Bill: Abaaht six munths. Jim: Oh, well, yer won’t say that when you’ve ’ad it washed.”

Bertie was sitting on his father's knee, watching his mother arranging her hair.

“Papa hasn't any curly waves like that,” said the father laughingly.

Bertie looked up at hie father’s bald pate and replied: “No it’s all beach.”

Wife: That was a cheap cookerybook I bought last month, I'm afraid. There were heaps of printing errors in it. Have you seen them? Husband: No. but I’ve tasted most of them.

“My husband’s just gone off with another woman!” cried Mrs. Jones. "I c-can’t control myself!” “Oh, you musn’t try. dearest,” advised her friend. “You’ll feel better after a good laugh.”

First Angler: Yes, sir, that fish was so big it jerked my rod from my hand and actually picked its teeth with the handle.

Second Angler: I had bad luck, coo. The only fish 1 caught was too small to bother about. Two men helped me throw it back into the river.

Grocer: Yon want a pound of ochre. Is it red for making paint? Small boy : No, it’s tappy ochre for making puddings.”

At a dinner a waiter discovered a man systematically trying the knives with his thumb before the meal commenced. “'What are you doing there?” he asked. “Those knives are sharp!” “ 'Taint that! I’m lookin' for a blunt 'tin. I was here last year and I cut me mouth.”

A little boy had taken his mother’s powder puff, and was in the act of powdering his face, when his small sister, aged five, snatched it from him. “You mustn’t do that!” she exclaimed. “Only ladies use powder. Gentlemon wash tliepigelves.”

Mother: What, are you children doing? I thought you were playing together.

Robert: We are playing at fathers and mothers.

“But you can't need to make all that noise.”

“Yes, we do—she has just asked me for money for a new hat.”

A small man was holding forth on humanitarianism. “My friends,” he said, “you should never in any circumstances strike a child. I've brought up six boys myself, so I know what I'm talking about.” "Six boys!" exclaimed one of the audience. “And do you mean to say you haven't laid a hand on one of them?”

"Never,” declared the lecturer, "except in self-defence.”

Nuwedd, a newcomer to the suburb, looked dazed and rather weary. His neighbour inquired the reason for this. “.My wife,” said Nuwedd hoarsely. “She told me to take our tom-cat out and lose it. So I put the beastly thing in a basket and tramped into the country for about six miles.” He paused for a breath. “Well,” - put in the neighbour, “did you lose it?"

“Lose it?" gasped Nuwedd. “If I hadn't, followed it I'd never have found my way Jiome again.!”