QUARTERDECK JOKES

Dominion, Volume 26, Issue 104, 26 January 1933, Page 2

QUARTERDECK JOKES

Rear-Admiral Campbell’s Stories LIFE-SAVER AND BAND Among the stories told by RearAdmiral Gordon Campbell, V.C., M.P., to Manchester Rotarians at the Midland Hotel, was one concerning a distinguished admiral who had saved many lives. While in his bath on board ship one morning, he heard a splash. Exclaiming, "There goes another life to save!” he left his bath and dived to the rescue. The splash happened to be caused by a marine tipping a bucket of slops overboard. However, the squadron had to heave to to pick up the admiral. The skipper of the ship had a sense of humour, and, seeing the admiral just as he had left his bath, issued a ceremonial order to the guard, who, as the naked admiral came aboard, presented arms, while the band played “Rule, Britannia!” Another story was that of the captain of a ship at Malta who spent much time ashore at dances and nightclubs. One day this captain made a mess of bringing his ship into harbour, and the admiral, a religious and pious man, ordered him to go to sea again and come in afresh. “You know, Captain So-and-so,” he said, “if you spent a little more time reading your Bible instead of going to dances every night, you would find your work come very easily.” The captain went to sea again as ordered, and there was no sign of his return for a day and a night. A gale sprang up, (here was at that time no wireless, and the admiral ordered all his gunboats to raise steam and go in search of tlie lost captain. About three o'clock in the morning a terrible noise of rattling chains was heard in Malta harbour and a few minutes later the captain boarded the flagship to report his return. He was asked if it were he who had been making this early morning din. “Yes,” replied tlie captain, “I have been studying my Bible all day and all I can find about navigation is ‘St. Paul cast three anchors out of the boat.’ ” A third story related to a warrant officer’s enthusiasm over the fact that the admiral had spoken to him. _ The event was celebrated with rum in the mess, after which someone asked the gunner what the admiral had said to him. It proved to be only a short order, “Get out of my way.” Admiral Campbell, in a brief reference to disarmament, said they could not have unilateral disarmament. As we had reduced our navy the Americans had built theirs up. We could not continue to reduce unless other nations did the same thing. He had met people who did not know the difference between a battleship and a destroyer, and yet often people like that talked at ir League of Nations meeting about what size the British Navy ought to be. The easiest economy to accomplish was the abolition of submarines, the existence of which involved a large number of destroyers and auxiliary craft for defensive purposes. The Rear-Admiral said he was far from being biased on this question by reason of being a naval officer. With others he was out for peace, but not peace at any price. What was wanted was peace with security, so that we could continue our legitimate trade with the rest of the world.