The Perfect Wife

Cromwell Argus, Volume LXVIII, Issue 3484, 30 August 1937, Page 7

The Perfect Wife

A woman reader has asked me to state my ideal of "the perfect wife."

A Delicate Task.

The writer who takes Woman for his theme is embarking upon the most colossal voyage of exploration imaginable. For he is attempting to solve the greatest enigma of creation, and, being a perplexed male, he is apt to err.

However, I am going to try to satisfy my woman challenger. Before doing so, I will quote from a brief letter which I have received from a masculine critic. Here is an extract from it:

"I cannot understand your everlasting flattery of women. If you knew as much about them as I do you would sing a different tune. I suppose it pays a journalist to play up to the sex, and I daresay your feminine readers eat every word you say with relish.

“Somehow or other all the women you have ever met seem to have been angels. If you had known the creatures I have encountered you would soon stop your fanatical devotion to women as if they were divine beings instead of what they are.”

Well, for the perfect wife. My correspondent, you will note, has asked me for my own ideal of the perfect wife. What she wants me to do, apparently, is to outline the qualities of the woman whom I should choose myself.

Never was it truer than in the realms of matrimony to say that "one man’s meat Is another man’s poison.” For example, I know a man who is happily married to a woman whose company I could not tolerate for half-an-hour, I know quite well that he regards her as the perfection of womanhood.

Conversely, there is another man with a wife whom I regard as one of the most fascinating women I have ever seen. I have met her dozens of times and never found her otherwise than charming and delightful. But her husband does not seem to me to appreciate her at all. It may be that in the privacy of their home he treats her with extreme fondness, but there is never any trace of this in his demeanor towards her while others are present, and I have heard him say things about her convincing me that he actively dislikes her. When I have sketched my picture of the ideal wife there will be thousands of readers, both male and female, who will not agree with me. My List of Virtues. 1. Character. 2. Good temper. 3. Sympathy. 4. Tolerance. 5. Imagination. 6. Companionableness. 7. Beauty. I have put character first because, unless a wife recognises the moral obligations of marriage, she is not worth the name. I imagine there will be no disagreement about this. Next I have put good temper, for I rate that gift above most others in a wife. The opposite conception of the nagging wife is too well understood to call for comment. The woman who takes all the rubs and knocks of married life with a smile, refusing to be angry except when she is made the victim of gross and cruel provocation, is a jewel beyond price. That Priceless Good Temper.

I doubt if a really good-tempered woman has ever failed to retain her husband’s love. Even if he is inclined to be hot-tempered himself, he Is shamed out of it by a wife who simply refuses to quarrel. This good temper I speak of is not just the Insensibility of a dull nature, too shallow for storms and tempests. It is akin to heaven’s saving grace of humor, and humor is about the best preservative I know for the perpetuation of married happiness. A wedded couple who can exchange

and enjoy one hearty laugh a day are not likely to make a failure of their marriage. With good temper and good humor usually goes sympathy, which the dictionary defines as “an agreement of inclination, feeling, or sentiment." The “incompatibility of temperament,” of which so much is heard in the Divorce Court, means only that an estranged husband and wife have lost, or perhaps never had, true sympathy with each other.

The Salt of Marriage—Sympathy. The sympathy of a wife with her husband does not mean sloppy sentimentality, everlasting fussing, or the constant outpouring of soft and soothing words. It lies deeper than that. She shows it in a score of practical ways, and especially in a quiet, understanding of his character, a willingness to overlook small faults, to put up with minor irritations —provided she is sure that beneath these surface bubbles the man she loves is a steadfast and worthy mate. The sympathetic wife will take an interest in her husband’s work or business, rejoice with him in his successes, share contentedly in his reverses, prove to him that nothing which elates or depresses him can ever be a matter of indifference to her. Over the black areas of Britain today, where men have dwelt so long in dumb despair through want of employment, it is in very many cases only the sympathy of loyal and loving wives which has enabled them to keep their sanity.

r One poor chap said to me: “It is \ nearly three years since I had a job, , and if it hadn’t been for my wife, who is a lot pluckier than I am, I should have before now made an end of it all. It has only been through her telling me all the time to keep my pecker up and hope for better times soon that

I have been able to stick It out.” Sympathy is the salt of marrlafte

With character and good temper It goes far to make tho perfect wife. Agreeing to Differ.

Also 1 have put down tolerance, meaning that a wife should respect the Ideas and opinions of her husband even though they differ from Jjers. This "agreement to differ” Is vitally necessary to a happy and peaceable wedded existence. No sensible husband expects hiswife to agree with him on every subject under the sun, yet he should be free to express his opinion without provoking a storm of angry contradiction. The wife who cannot tolerate the least difference of opinion between herself and her husband, even upon the smallest matters of dispute which arise from time to time in nearly every home, is very often killing her husband’s love by inches, although she may never realise it until it is too late. Tolerance rules out jealousy, suspicion, mistrust. It thinks the host till it knows the worst. Wives endowed with this virtue are saved an infinity of needless vexation and groundless fears. Ruling the House. Years ago I knew a man who could never make a decision even on the most trifling matter without first ascertaining his wife’s wishes. More than that, every detail of his life was controlled by his wife's almighty will. She dictated the choice of his clothes, of his friends whom she thiought fit to invite home, of the church to which she dragged him on Sundays, of the place where they should go for their summer holiday. Even what they should both do on his weekly half-day off was not for him to decide. Ho never had a say in it. It was fixed up days beforehand by his sovereign lady. As regards the upbxlnging of his children, he dared not whisper a word. In every department of their married life the orb and sceptre were in her regal hands. I met this man a month or two ago. He jubilantly told me that his wife had divorced him. I asked no questions. For his sake I felt glad. His face wore a radiance like a happy bridegroom’s on his marriage morn. The Woman Who Can Look Over the Fence, I come now' to the next item in my list of wifely virtues, imagination. Pray do not think I mean that a good wife must be in a state of perpetual hallucination. When I talk of imagination I mean the ability to picture in the mind the great variety of Interesting things happening outside the four walls of the home, the joys and tribulations of other people, and the whirling kaleidoscope of national and world affairs. It is so easy nowadays, through the newspaper and the radio, to find something to talk about apart from everyday domestic matters. A husband alertly interested in the world around him is glad if his wife has found time during a busy day to keep herself abreast of the news. Tired from his day’s labor, it is refreshing to find his wife Interested in the same things as he is.

It is far better for the wife, too. It is a great pity when a woman allows marriage and the responsibilities of a home to dwarf her interest in the big revolving world outside. Mutual Interest.

This is really much the same as what I have called companlonableuess, the art of being a good companion. There can be no true companionship between a man and woman whose interests are utterly dissimilar. Every wife should strive to have something interesting to say to her husband about events which make up the unceasing pageant of history passing before our eyes. It is not because I despite beauty in women that I have rated it lowest in the list of wifely charms. But it must surely be obvious to every thinking person that beauty alone, without at least some of the other qualities I have mentioned, is a worthless thing. The man who married a girl simply because of her good looks, and for no other reason, Is courting disaster. There is a beauty of face which is the reflection of a kindly and lovable nature, but very often it is not of the type that most readily catches the eye, and if beauty is simply the painted mask of a selfish and deformed character it is the deadliest of snares.

Well, there you are. I have given you the best picture I can of the perfect wife. Now I am ready to be told by masculine critics that I can keep her.

As I already possess a wife who conforms quite passably to my ideal I shall accept their advice.