SHOULD WE MARRY FOR PITY?

Cromwell Argus, Volume LXI, Issue 3159, 20 April 1931, Page 7

SHOULD WE MARRY FOR PITY?

Compassion is a Poor Substitute for Love. By a Woman Who Married a Blind Man. Are blind men married for pity? An official of an association for the blind recently expressed this opinion: "Women, I suppose, are more compassionate than men. A woman often marries a man from motives of pity." There are, of course, many who would dispute the view that women have bigger hearts than men, although it may be true in some respects. When, however, the question of marriage is broached, we must remember that many other factors are involved. For my part, I cannot understand any woman marrying "from motives of pity." Genuine pity denotes a generous nature —but generosity is not akin to the' deep sympathy which can be the only basis of happy marriage. Above everything else, a husband and wife should be "friends," with ideas and interests in common. "When the woman starts off with the impression that she is giving everything, that she is only marrying the man in order to guide and help him —then she is being grossly unfair. She is giving him no credit for a fine character or a creative brain, or for any other good characteristics he may possess. No, she cannot care for him as a man. But he needs her so much, poor dear! When, I say, a woman thinks she is marrying for pity, she is heading for disaster. You cannot go on for years; giving everything and taking nothing, nor could the man tolerate such a state of affairs.

My husband was blind when we married. At times I find it difficult to believe that he cannot see.

He moves about and works and plays like any normal man. I have as good a time as the wife of any other man, for that matter —and in a way I have a better time than most women.

I am necessarily in closer touch with my husband's thoughts and activities than many wives. There is a true community of interest —a true partnership—and this makes for happiness. We work together and play together, instead of- leading more or less separate lives, as so many couples do.

A big mind and a big will can conquer blindness. It is well-known that the loss of sight develops all the other senses to a remarkable degree, and there comes, too, that amazing, almost indefinable intuition which is denied to ordinary people. To watch my husband, you would find it difficult to believe that he cannot see. His face is far more expressive than the face of the average man, and his movements and gestures are entirely natural. When he speaks before an audience, he speaks with extraordinary force, and holds —in fact, commands —attention. In Parliament, he played his part for four years, and was never handicapped by his disability.

Hundreds of blind men I know are singularly interesting to meet, and very charming to know. These men do not ask for pity, and they would be pained to understand that they were regarded in such a manner. Chiefly by their own efforts they have found a way out, and none of them would marry if he thought for an Instant that some woman was preparing to devote her life to him. I heard, recently, of a remarkable case of a marriage of compassion which proved a dismal failure. A young man lost his sight In an accident, and the girl to whom he was engaged wanted her freedom. She was afraid, however, of what her friends and his friends would think —and say—so that, although the man offered to free her, she went through with the marriage. Within a few months, the man began to see through her deception. The woman had not the patience and courage to help him in the first difficult year, and the man had to fight his battle alone.

Later he met a woman who would have married him for himself. But it was too late. The husband lives apart from the wife —the wife who married for pity. Pity is a weak thing at best. If a woman who marries for pity ever falls in love with another man, the object of her pity stands little chance. When, however, a woman marries a blind man for love alone, she will be enslaved for ever by his devotion, courage and understanding.