Reporter’s diary

Press, 19 December 1988, Page 2

Reporter’s diary

Quaqualand?

AN official was keeping a beady eye on swimmers at Aqualand. Abruptly, he bawled into his two-way radio, “Get that one out of here.” The family standing nearby craned to see what the offender was doing. For a duck, it was actually behaving quite well — just paddling around, quacking. It did not appear to have eaten any swimmers, and' was fully feathered. The man-with-the-radio added: “It hasn’t paid.” Sleepers a-doze A weird cure for insomnia comes from Jake Stillman, in Memphis, Tennessee — he lies down in front of a train. Railwayman Jake discovered his cure by mistake when he was trapped in front of a train near his home. He followed the railwayman’s safety drill of lying face down on the tracks with his feet towards the oncoming train. Instead of being petrified, he felt quite . calm and slept night. Now, when incannot sleep, he finds tne nearest track and lies down in it — with

his doctor’s approval. It is a -trick that would not work here — it is illegal, and extremely silly, to lie on railway tracks. Motoring monopoly A yuppish variant on the old game of “Money to Burn” was spotted by a reader driving along Barbadoes Street. Travelling behind a car he noticed the male passenger had a dog on his lap and was tossing something in the air for the dog to play with. Nothing unusual in that, but when our motorist drew level at the lights

he saw what the dog was playfully snatching at. It was a wad of money. Real, money. Dung dingle-dangles TIME, they say, changes everything. Even dinosaur dung. Fossilised dinosaur droppings (known as coprolite in palaeontological circles) have become fashionable accessories for elite Californian socialites who used to parade diamonds and rubies. The coprolite is formed when prehistoric matter decays and is replaced by surrounding gaily coloured minerals. It is so sought-

after that one coprolite dealer has sold 40kg for transformation into baubles. Domicile vending .HYPED-up descriptions of houses for sale can bear no resemblance to reality. But one estate agent pushed lyricism beyond the bounds of belief when he described Buckley Hill Cottage, Milnrow, Britain (2 bds, utlty rm, bthrm, and wc) as, “A duenna cottage residence from the halcyon belle epoch. This recherche property occupies a perceived sylvan embrace whilst the over-all desideratum requires a quixotic ap-

proach.” In similar vein, the same agent raved ecstatically about another unremarkable building: “Enjoying a sylvan location, this crepuscular cottage affords a renaissance opportunity for the gifted or wealthy purchaser who wishes to perform a habitable thaumaturge.” Save us all. Black Beauty LAST Wednesday, a class of eight-year-olds at a Bryndwyr school were watching a video programme, which included advertisements. Just as the Electricorp ad began (“Electricity is beautiful”) the power cut started. —Jenny Setchell