NO, MINISTER

Press, 14 December 1985, Page 18

NO, MINISTER

By

WHIM WHAM

The Government has given its approval for another new ministry — this time to deal with Consumer Affairs ... a report from a affairs unit which has been looking into the objectives, structure, and/ functions of such a ministry ... Mrs Shields said the nawministry.might have a staff of 23 but establishment costs would be announced , later ... — News. ■

Sir, as one ordinary Consumer . To another — how’s your Sense of Humour? Is this a Legpull, or a Hoax, Or one of David’s little Jokes? And whose Affairs are These, of whom It may be said that they CONSUME, Cabbages, Television Sets, < Wetsuits, Flea Collars for their Pels? Our idle Beehive Drones devise This Time-consuming Exercise — And Tax-consuming too — a brave New Ministry, gift-wrapped for Dave!'. Meetings and Memos by the Dozen, New Bonnets for old Bees to buzz in — Set it All up! There’s Nothing more To do but find out what It’s for — A fashionable new Party Hat For Mrs Shields, or a Bureaucrat? Trimmed with the customary sort Of Verbiage spun from this Report — Functions, Objectives — with not One Word of what’s likely to be DONE By whom, for whom, what Benefit Might flow (if Anything!) from It. Will your Consumption, Sir, or mine, Our daily Bread, or Meat, or Wine, Gain much — or lose — supposing We Maintain the hungry Twenty-three Required to staff this Ministry? Just one more Product, it appears, Of the Ministry of Bright Ideas! 1 . t