Reporter’s diary

Press, 1 April 1985, Page 2

Reporter’s diary

Ringing 'em in

FROM TIME to time the, Government has had problems with Ministers missing votes in Parliament because the sound of the division bells did not reach the rooms in which they happened to be. These included, in particular, the smallest rooms in the House. The Ministers of Works and Development, Mr Colman, has looked into the problem. Herewith the reply from the retiring Commissioner of Works, Mr Bob Norman: “Ah, lackaday. What perfidy is this, that wreaks its havoc on the Beehive bells. No longer can the Ministers in bliss, relax and ponder in their toilet cells. Instead, with ragged nerves, they sit in awe; (which does not help for what they’re there), in case Black Rod doth knock upon the door; and say, ‘ ’ullo ’ullo, what’s all this ’ere?’ Whereon, in state of pantlessness they fly, to House, where other business must be done. It must be hard to look them in the

eye, for getting dressed in public isn’t fun. But fear not, Uncle M.O.W. will fix it all; and bells will ring aloud, in ev’ry Beehive stall.” Route 13

SUPERSTITIOUS readers may have noticed with satisfaction that there is no “route 13” anywhere on the map of Christchurch bus routes printed in “The Press” last Thursday. The Christchurch Transport Board assures us that this was not a conscious decision, at least, not one that is remembered, to protect passengers from the risks of riding on a “No. 13.” Today’s 28 bus routes have grown from the tram routes of last century (there was only “route one” to start with). Route No. 13 got wij>ed out somewhere years ago, or perhaps it never existed. No-one seems to know. Quick work

THE POST OFFICE goes

from strength to strength: a reader reports that a letter posted in Auckland at 10.30 a.m. last Thursday arrived in a Post Office box in Christchurch at 3 p.m. the same day. Dropped in ONE RURAL delivery mailman in North Canterbury is full of surprises. A farmer’s wife of his acquaintance reached into the mailbox for the newspaper recently and grabbed a dead opossum. Others of his “calling cards,” apart from the usual mail, have included a second opossum, a skeleton of a smoked fish, two pieces of chocolate, two swedes, and a cucumber. They are still good friends. Forbidden fruits HIGH ON the list of a colleague’s pet hates are people who squeeze and feel fruit before buying. His informal study of the offenders has shown that most are of the older generation — to be fair, having started

their shopping in the days when consumers were possibly more quality-conscious than they are in these days of bulk buying and "specials.” Sometimes, he says, every piece of fruit in a display tray will be prodded and squeezed before the feeler moves on to the next. Apart from the health aspect, he says, fruit such as peaches, pears, and tomatoes, are easily bruised. One greengrocer said that the amount of fruit so badly damaged by “feelers” that it had to be thrown out was considerable. “Please do not handle” signs seemed to have little effect, he said. Two-faced

SOME READERS might take issue with our labelling the tomato as a fruit. Botanically, it is a fruit, although it is commonly grown and used as a vegetable. A native of Central and South America, the tomato was once known as the "apple of gold,” or the “apple of love,” for its sup-

posed aphrodisiac qualities. At first, the fruit was regarded with great disfavour in Europe except as an ornament Not until 1822, when Sabine published instructions for its cultivation, was the tomato appreciated as a food. Brighton service THE ORGANISERS of the New Brighton district’s 125th anniversary celebrations wish to advise that the inter-denominational church service will be held at 7 p.m. on Sunday, June 30, 1985, at the Catholic Church in Lonsdale Street, not on March 31, as advertised. Down to earth THE BRITISH Broadcasting Corporation wants a character actor of modest qualifications. He must have a “common accent,” and must have had experience in “cutting up a variety of animal carcases in a slaugh-ter-house.” —Peter Comer