Women hurt more in love breaks

Press, 3 November 1984, Page 14

Women hurt more in love breaks

NZPA-AP Boston Women are more likely than men to suffer physical and emotional problems from the breakup of a romance, even when they do the jilting, says a psychological study. Dr Robin Akert, of Wellesley College, Boston, surveyed 344 college students about their heartaches. Not surprisingly, she found their level of misery depended a lot on whether they initiated the break-up, were dumped, or reached a mutual agreement to split up, she said. But in all cases, the business was usually more traumatic for women.

“I am not saying that men are callous and cruel, that they are not hurt at all and blithely go on with their lives,” said Dr Akert. “But it does look like women are more upset, no matter what role they are in.”

Both men and women often feel wretched when they get jilted. But the women tended to have more trouble adjusting to the split, regardless of. who called it quits. They suffered more unhappiness, loneliness, depression, and especially anger, than did men. They also were more apt to sleep too much or too little, lose their appetite or over-eat, or suffer stomach aches, headaches, and other physical woes. f The unpublished research, \ presented in part at a meet- ■ ing of the American Psychological Association, was based on a survey of 171 men and 173 women.

It found, for example, that 49- per cent of the women who terminated a relationship — the breakers — suffered physical ills afterward, compared with 26 per cent of the men who made the break. Among those (who got dumped, 88

per cent of the women and 76 per cent of the men remembered these symptoms.

The study also found that the women liked to spend more time than men talking over the impending split with their mates. The women were also interested in staying on friendly terms, while the men, in general, were not.

Why women suffer more at the end of an affair was not clear. “However,” Dr Akert speculated, “to some extent, it may be part of the female sex role. Women are supposed to be the nurturers, the ones who are in charge of the relationship. “Men value relationships very much,” she said, “but I think that when they end, the loss is taken more philosophically by men, whereas women may place more of their self-esteem in their relationships.” > f