Reporter's Diary

Press, 18 July 1979, Page 2

Reporter's Diary

' Irish humour A CHRISTCHURCH character of Irish descent, whose list of convictions and of- ■ fences has reached triple figures, made another appearance in the Magistrate’s Court yesterday. A charge ‘had been brought after complaints were made to the police that this gentleman had been relieving himself outside a department store in Cashel Street during the early-evening rush hour. He pleaded guilty to the charge 'and was convicted, but before the Magistrate announced his decision, the defendant was granted permission to speak. “Well, you see, your Worship,” he said, “I was wearing dark glasses at the time and I thought it was much later than it was.” Kiwi humour ■ WHEN the British female ■impersonator, Danny La Rue. starts his tour of New •Zealand early next month he twill be well prepared with a repertoire of topical Kiwi ! jokes. He has sent a scriptj writer ahead of him to bone lup on local issues so that he

can bandy jokes about Mr Muldoon, Trevor Richards, and Defence Ministry restrictions on homosexuals. Danny La Rue, who says he shaves three times a day and spends £5OOO on a single dress, will bring 14 costume changes with him and will pass himself off as Margaret Thatcher, Shirley Temple, and Marilyn Monroe. He may even tackle imitations of Patricia Bartlett or Marilyn Waring. Anniversary present LAST THURSDAY. after Skylab splattered to Earth over Australia, the “Sydney Morning Herald'' printed this suggested cablegram to be sent to President Carter: “Many thanks your superb 150th Western Australia anniversary fireworks display. It was absolute!}' . , . celestial.” Menu from Space FED UP with Skylab yet? The day that the American spaceship fell to Earth, a restaurant in Sydnev prepared a menu which included Skylab soup and. N.A.S.A, noodles, Fallout!

I fritters and De Debris donuts, Impact pork with Re-entry sauce, Wreckage bread, Satellite beef saute, and Module mousse. Close encounter AUCKLAND will be the venue for the seventh world conference of the Ancient Astronaut Society next year. The Ancient Astronaut Society has more than 3500 members throughout the world who believe that the Earth has been visited in the past by extra-terrestrials. Fluoridation AMID THE lively fluoridation debate at the crucial Christchurch City Council meeting on Monday evening, Cr Peter Skellerup made this comment as part of his contribution to the argument against fluoride in the city’s water supply. If all the water was fluoridated to one part per million, he said, f'uoridated water obviously would permeate the innumerable vegetable gardens in the city. All that fluoride, he said, might not be good for the carrots. Attractive offer THE MAYOR of Kaiapoi (Mr B. O. Williams) has made an offer that some of I his ratepayers found hard to i refuse. At Monday evening’s

Kaiapoi Borough Council meeting, he expressed the hope that some of the dissatisfied ratepayers in attendance would stand for the council election next year. He even offered to pay the fee of anyone at the meeting who wished to stand. A number of ratepayers immediately put up their hands and asked to take up his offer. Cryptic clue NOT FAR away, at Kaiapoi High School, on Monday evening a game called “Quizco” was being held to raise funds for a local organisation. One of the clues to the cryptic questions to be answered was “Ground rent at high level.” To which one member of the audience called out, amid much laughter, "Council rates.” (The correct answer, for cryptic crossword fans, was “Crevasse.”). Unrepentant A SIGN seen emblazoned across the rear window of a gas-guzzling V 8 powered car in a Christchurch street: “May all you environmental freaks freeze to death in the dark.”