BOOKSHELF

Press, Volume CXVI, Issue 34044, 7 January 1976, Page 9

BOOKSHELF

Hardy Clarke's fellow “squnkies” (people hooked on squash), especially those with as few pretensions to ability as the reviewer, will find his book The Squash Player (Pentagon, p.p. 105) delightfully helpful. Although he would like us to think otherwise, Mr Clarke is hardly the duffer’s duffer and he reluctantly admits scraping into his English countyteam.

He also claims to have swapped “jiggly diddlers” with Jonah Barrington (he lost the first game “narrowly,” 0-9. and retired exhausted at 0-5 in the second) and Barrington himself says in the foreword that Clarke has “unique swivel drive! and wobble bobble strokes.” The author may never have been a real hack, but certainly no natural genius and the advice he offers on ways players can cheat a little to win matches would be warmly approved by Stephen Potter. If you have any fears about your ability to beat a particular player, Clarke suggests that you crack him a couple of times with your racket and hit him on the backside with the ball so he keeps a wide berth. Another ploy Clarke favours is using a stooge to convince prospective opponents that you are unbeatable, have savage court manners, remarkable stamina, and a powerful left hook.

A conversation something like the following is preferable:

“Clarke? Not THAT Clarke? You mad or something? I suppose you know he broke Murgletroyd’s arm last week. And he caught Witherspoon a

beauty on Friday. If you’re playing him today just keep right out of his way. He’s in an ugly mood. And whatever you do don't argue about lets. Take my advice and let him win. It’s the only way to save your • self getting hit.” One wonders why' any I self-respecting drinker! plays competitive squash: when, as Clarke points out, 64, “all twitching with fitness,” played in the British Amateur and 63 of them lost. “Assuming that the purpose of the exercise is to win. might they not have been more comfortable j spending the week-end in the snug bar at the Red Lion?” Clarke takes great pride in his highly-honed degree i of unfitness and claims that “un-training” is veryi expensive with the price of' beer, whisky, and cigarettes these days and it ; means giving up a lot of spare time. But he concedes that such habits can work to> your disadvantage when an| unscrupulous opponent books a game for 10 p.m. The odds are very much against the drinker and; smoker not indulging be-1 fore then, so Clarke gets' his wife to phone up with an excuse. — T.R.D.