RANDOM REMINDER

Press, Volume CXV, Issue 33739, 11 January 1975, Page 15

RANDOM REMINDER

ROUNDABOUTS

Brevity is not considered a virtue by most New Zealanders. A Scotsman may perhaps pride himself on economy with words as with other items, but not a New Zealander.

In particular, the New Zealander will part with untoward information in no more than dribs and drabs, to upset his listener only by stages and thus, he hopes, with less intensity at any one moment.

Such is the origin of the question: “Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?”, and of the joke which has the sergeant-major telling the recruit “Jones, your father’s just died”, and, when rebuked for

his lack of feeling, ordering the troops on the next such occasion: “All those without a mother, one step forward march. Jones, you’re on a charge for disobeying an order”.

All of which brings us to today’s offering — two stories about cushioning the blow when answering inquiries, and one about brevity in industry. The first inquiry was to rent a caravan. The conversation went like this:

“Have you a caravan for hire for the ’ weekend?”

“I've a lovely 6-berth caravan for $l4”.

“Good. I’ll be right round”.

“Sorry — it’s booked”. The second inquiry was about birds.

“You’re advertising budgerigars. Have you any olive-green ones?” "Sorry, we haven’t”. “Have you a sky-blue cock, then?”

"No, I’m afraid we've none of those, either”.

“What about a pair of yellows?”

"We did have some, but all our budgies have been sold”.

How much more to the point is this negotiation between the Establishment and the workers:

Managing director: Why are you eating that apple in work time?

New apprentice. Well, I've finished my grapes.