‘Women Must Marry Is Nonsense’

Press, Volume CX, Issue 32210, 31 January 1970, Page 1

‘Women Must Marry Is Nonsense’

•'The Press’* Special Service HAMILTON, Jan. 30.

The belief that women must marry—and that if they do not they are a failure or on the shelf—is absolute nonsense, according to Dr 0. F. M. McDonald, superintendent of the Kingseat Hospital, Auckland.

He told an audience of more than 200 at the conference of the New Zealand Social Workers’ Association that terrible pressures came about because so many women should never get married. “Right from about the middle of secondary school it is made clear to girls that their real career is to be a mother,” said Dr McDonald. “If there is not sufficient money for tertiary education all round, the boys in the family go to university in preference to the girls—even if they are less intelligent.” Another demand of society was that every woman should bear children. “We even hear people say that children should be created to hold a marriage together . . . my God! The bearing of children is often regarded as a duty, whereas really children are a luxury to be enjoyed if one can afford it ‘Mothers are alone with the cbildren for most of thelt lives, as opposed to men. This leads to restraint of their personality which is reduced in

some instances to almost an infantile level.” Some women were overwhelmingly oppressed by their husbands—both present, past and future, Dr McDonald said. “Their problems are very real. There is a lack of understanding and a great lack of communication,” he said. “Lack Of Reward” “There is a lack of reward for the woman and a lack ot being treated as a person. There is frequent tyranny, psychological and physical, from the totalitarian dictatorship of the family in which the woman is the exploited proletariat Indeed, she is the serf, or Negro of our society.” Dr McDonald said that women were reluctant to see a psychiatrist and the number he saw were only the tip of the iceberg. “In many instances a woman has courage to go to a psychiatrist with her problems. Quite often the problem is not caused by her but by the man, who is not willing to try to seek a solution. “There are certain roles expected by society. Marriage is supposed to begin with a noble rosy glow and it often ends in a God-awful mess.” Dr McDonald said there were too many romantie ideas on marriage, which was really 90 per cent hard work and 10 per cent sexual satisfaction and love. “The reverse is the usual i idea circulated," he said, j“and it is promulgated even

by those with unhappy marriages.” . Too many women were used for breeding or as a husband’s possession. Psychiatric Admissions

Comparing men and women in the 17 to 50 age group, Dr McDonald said that two women to one man were admitted to psychiatric hospitals, four women to one man were out-patients and three women to one man attempted to commit suicide. He thought the sexual double-standard fell very hard on women.

“If a man plays around he is a ‘swinger,’ but if a girl does the same thing she is promiscuous. This is believed by both men and women in New Zealand.

“It is no wonder so many women are pregnant at marriage and in this situation the dice are loaded against a really rewarding relationship,” he said. “How ghastly to begin a marriage on a mistake—and generally to please one’s parents and relatives.” Dr McDonald said that present trends toward unisex, with young men and women looking alike, might be an attempt to get real friendship out of the opposite sex. “They have made an awful mess of things by rejecting marriage,” he said, “because this leaves the women with the children, but at least they do realise that the child does belong to the woman. Perhaps they are trying to be true equal partners.” Dr McDonald said that

modern society put the maximum sexual stimulation before teen-agers when they had the minimum power of controlling their sexuality. He described mothers in New Zealand as suffering from “battle stress.” “They are the same as soldiers in the front line and it is time the whole community pulled these women out of the front line,” he said. “Their psychological morbidity and loneliness is all centred on being married. “New Zealand is a wonderful place to bring up children, but is it a wonderful place to bring up a wife?” Perhaps a 40-hour week for wives and mothers should be considered. This would mean the provision of several ancillary services. Perhaps, too, the day would come when men and women would, each work about five hours a day at different times and spend the rest of the day in the home, sharing its responsibilities. “Education Necessary” He thought that education of the whole community was necessary on this subject of sharing marriage. “We must do something urgently,” he said, “because no-one wants a wife or a mother needing psychological care. We must try to make the family a haven of loving —which is what it is supposed to be, but which is so often, more like -a battlefield.”