The Art Of Parenthood

Press, Volume CII, Issue 30057, 15 February 1963, Page 2

The Art Of Parenthood

The skill of being a parent was the art of being able to give one’s children the three basic requirements for their development love, security, and discipline—in the right proportions. Too much of each was as bad as too little, said Professor T. J. RendleShort, professor of child health, of Brisbane Children’s Hospital, University of Queensland, at a meeting of the Christchurch Parents’ Centre last evening.

The majority of difficult Children were difficult usually because one at more of thdse basic requirements were out of proportion. “Problems are the symptoms,

not the diseases. They are the outward manifestations of disturbance either id the mind or the environment of the child,” he Said.

Normal children had a common basic pattern of development, modified by certain factors such as heredity, the physical, social and mental environment, illness and their age. “Every child must know it is loved and wanted, but not to such an extent that it feels smothered and rebels. It needs security, which comes from the parents being in accord. Up to the age of about five years, the child’s security is rooted in the family. Outside events have little if any direct influence on this,” said Professor Rendle-Short.

Referring to discipline, he said a child should know tlte limits to which he could go. It was essential that parents were consistent. It was not the severity of the threatened punishment, but the certainty that it would be carried out that was important for the child to know.

“A child that knows the limits to which he can go is much less likely to transgress. It is vital to be scrupulously honest with a child. Never threaten a punishment which it is not within your power to carry out," said Professor RendleShort. However, he was not against corporad punishment, especially between 18 months and three and a half years. “It may be the only thing they can understand,” he said. “It should not be used for younger children.” Speaking on child problems such as refusing to sleep, visiting parents during the night, breath-holding, and refusing food, Professor Rendle-Short advised parents to find out why these things were occurring. They could stem from fear or from the fact that the child was learning the habits required by parents and society. Some convulsion attacks occasionally followed breathholding, which had not been noticed by the parents. Temper tantrums were best dealt

with by leaving the child to get over it in his own time. Letting him get away with things for no good reason was fatal, he said.