Advice To Parents In Guiding Of Adolescents

Press, Volume XCVI, Issue 28414, 22 October 1957, Page 2

Advice To Parents In Guiding Of Adolescents

The parents’ role in helping their sons and daughters through adolescence was discussed by Mr W. P. Ussher, a psychologist of the Department of Education, in a talk at the Christchurch Parents’ Centre last evening.

After describing the four aspects of growth during adolescence —physical. emotional, social and intellectual—and their attendant problems. Mr Ussher said that parents today held a less dominant and authoritative position in the life of an adolescent than in previous times. The obedience and respect demanded of past generations must now be earned by parents, and this started from early childhood. Mr Ussher said.

“Lead the example you would wish them to follow, lest you be analysed and found wanting," he said. "Their interpretation of your behaviour is helping them build their own philosophy of

"Try to recall how you felt as an adolescent in times of trial, but remember that times have changed and what was expected of you may not be applicable today.

"The relationship between you and your adolescent is different from what it was when he or she was a child. You have to make adjustments, too. "Do not expect to be regarded as a companion and confidant. You are of an older generation, so accept your role of adviser with dignity. Responsibility "Adolescents must grow up and seek independence.’’ Mr Ussher said. "Let them make their own decisions over small things at first, then allow more responsibility. Acknowledge their right to criticise and to grow up. Be tolerant over their apparent instability and irresponsibility. It is part of the learning and growing process. "Uninformed silence or mislead-

ing information leads to wrong attitudes in adult life. This *s especially so in sex education. Parents who have not been able to discuss these matters, when their children were younger, will experience difficulty in doing so at adolescence. Be honest and seek advice? if this situation has arisen. Reassurance "Adolescents have strong anxieties and fears as they are coping with new emotions and situations. Be sympathetic and accepting. They must be reassured of your love and faith in them. "Give them an insight into the rights and responsibilities of the adult world. Consult them over family decisions. Retain your authority but be democratic. Discuss the limits imposed. Be fair and just in your decisions, and abide by them. Remember that we can hardly expect a person to make a mature adult decision if he has not been allowed to do so before. "Be honest’ in your decisions and fair in your judgments, patient, tolerant and sympathetic. You will be a superman if you are. but ultimately you are the one who has to make the decisions about your adolescent. Accept advice and seek help, but have confidence in your own judgment. You know your own child’s personality, and what will suit his temperament may not apply to others. There are no fixed rules Follow your own convictions honestly and with humility. You won't be far wrong," Mr Ussher said.