HEADS OR TAILS?

Press, Volume LXXXIX, Issue 27191, 7 November 1953, Page 6

HEADS OR TAILS?

[By WHIM WHAM I To wear a black hemburg instead of a top hat with morning dress would be “breaking the tradition of British sartorial elegance,” says the president of the Wellington Bespoke Tailors’ Association, Mr W. J. Lane. “The homburg would look ridiculous with a morning suit. It is against the rules of correct dress.” —New item? What! Homburgs with our Morning Dress! Feelings I scarcely can express Afflict my Sense of What is proper. The Topper, With All it stands for, must surmount The Tout Ensemble of Men Who Count. Teppers above and Tails below Is Elegance Itself, but Oh, Tradition and good Taste say “No” To any other Combination Or unbecoming Innovation. The Decencies of Custom call For the whole Hog, or None at all. A Yachting Cap with Tweeds, a Bowler With Flannels were no less in polar Antagonism than the Note Of Homburg clashed with Morning Coat. Mayor, Minister or Diplomat May glory in his Homburg Hat, His Cap of State, his Badge of Status; But the sartorial Hiatus Between that Hat and morning Tails Gapes irremediably. Males Who cleave to One must shun the Other, Not think that they may cloak or smother So gross an Outrage to good Taste As wearing Both—ill-dressed, dis-

graced Above, and shamed below, the Waist; Sartorial Freaks without Apology, Grotesque like Monsters in Mythology. —Well, there it is. I didn’t make The Rules, and don’t intend to break Them. Not being troubled formally. I’ll dress for the Occasion normally, My well-rubbed Corduroys, my old Sports Jacket (if the Truth be told), Nor think myself less loyal-hearted Because of the odd Seam that’s parted, Nor scratch my hatless Poll nor get the Wind up About my Tails, whether to have them pinned up, Nor wake up screaming When feverishly dreaming I made my Bow in Shorts and Spats And Dressinggown, and, as for Hats, An original but horribly improper Hybrid, a Sort of Tomburg or a Hopper.