Amusing.

Bruce Herald, Volume XI, Issue 1017, 11 June 1878, Page 7

Amusing.

The man who works with a will—^The Probate Judge. / If you want to read something which x you have not seen for years, juit - glance over the Bermon en the Mount. ' • A man who "won't go nome till morning," is apt, after awhile, to have, no home to go to. Which animal is the greatest gambler ? — The bull, because he likes a game at pitch and toss. Why is the bull the most reckless of animals? — Because he goes from pitch and toas to manslaughter. If you don't 1 want to be robbed of your good name, do not have it painted on your umbrella. — 'Turner's Falls Beporter. "Beaching after the unattainable."— A man feeling up under the back of his vest for the end of a parted suspender. x Young manJearn to wait ; if you under* take to get a hen before she _is ready you will lose your time and confuse the hen besides. During the first year of married life the wife fills- her husband's heart ; after that she must fill his stomach, or there Vwill be trouble. . The real difference between Russia and Turkey, is only one of orthograpy.. The Turks want peace with Russia and the Russians want a piece of Turkey. •' It may be true that " fools and their money soon part," but in these hard times a man is willing to become a fool in order to have the mpney to part with. Mr Darwin has spent his life in trying to prove that the Christian philosopher is wrong when he says, "In the physiology of man there is no such word as tail." / In the coldest day in winter, such is the magic of the gentler sex, a woman can make the house so hot that you will, rush into the street to get a breath of fresh air. '?•' * A worthy, overtaken by a heavy shower of rain, was advised by a friend to run home and get out of the wet. ' "Kin?" said. he, " what tae wad 1 rin for,? isn't it rainin' as fast afore me asjahin me?" One reason why some men ate so indifferent about the often-repeated injunction - to lay up treasure in heaven is that they can't understand the propriety of putting their money where they will never see it again. s , " Is Mr , Brown a man of means V* asked a gentleman of old Mrs Fizzletqn, referring to one of her neighbours. " Well, I reckon he ought to be," drawled out the old lady, "for he's the meanest man in our town." Young Green : " Hot, isn't it f Young lady (tired of the subject) : "Soyou said just now." Young Green (nervously) : "Yes, but don't you think it has got hotter F Young lady gives young Green up as a bad job. " So," said a lady recently to an Aber. deen merchant, " your pretty daughter has married a rich husband." " Well." slowly replied the father, "I believe she has mar. ried a rich man, but I understand he is a very poor husband." Anger sometimes leads one to express an honest opinion of himself. When a man said, " That fellow ought to be kicked by a mule, and I'd like to do it/ he allowed himself, in the excitement of extemporaneous speech, to tell a sad truth. At twenty you know' everthing; at thirty you have your doubts ;at forty there are somethings you don't know; at fifty you are sure only of your ignorance ; and after that you read Mr Beecher's sermon on everlasting punishment and hope he is right.

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