ALPHABETICALLY

Auckland Star, Volume LXXIII, Issue 294, 12 December 1942, Page 6

ALPHABETICALLY

PHONE ETIQUETTE

ARMY "MONKEYS" ABOUT

(By E. K. GREEN)

"Uncle calling Zebra. . . . Have you a Dog Roller to spare? If you have, please send him over to Umpteenth Abel-Abels with another tin of Monkey and Victory." Sounds silly, doesn't it? But it is something that might conceivably happen if somebody in the New Zealand Army developed sudden, inexplicable hunger and decided to misuse the telephone in a call to a professional colleague in quest for preserved nutriment. Start again. "Uncle calling Zebra. . . . Have you got a Don Rto spare? If you have, please send him over to the Umpteenth Ack-Acks with another tin of M and V." Explaining It But perhaps I had better explain. It is what they call the phonetic alphabet—a business that arose in the army through the time-honoured tradition of shortening all names down to letters and then giving the letters a distinctive name so that the chap you are talking to will know exactly what you mean—if you get what I mean. Start again. "Uncle (code letter U for chap talking) calling Zebra (code letter Z for nondescript supply person at other end). Have you got a dispatch rider to spare? If you have, please send him over to a certain numbered unit of the anti-aircraft with a tin of meat and vegetables (popular army tinned ration)." The army has monkeyed about a lot of old familiar things since Hitler started on the rampage over Europe. They have turned mounted rifles into Light Armoured Fighting Vehicle regiments and then into mechanised regiments. They have turned women into W.A.A.C.'s. They don't even "form fours" any more. But now they have cut a wide swathe through tradition and "monkeyed" about with the old phonetic alphabet. There is a Reason Of course, it is done with a reason. On this occasion it is part of our trimming down to fit into the United Nations' scheme of things. We don't all talk the same language. After all, you can't call a man a "beer" and then get the "pip" about it if he doesn't understand you. And it is not much use spilling "ink" about it if he just writes it down as an "item." So we just change the phonetic alphabet to suit. Talking about "pips,". what will mother think when Johnny writes home that he now carries a "Peter" on his shoulder? And what will father think when his cricketing son writes that the ball which got him was a "yoke"? As a tip, don't ask why—ask a Yorkshire man. Interesting is the fact that royaltv still has a place in the phonetic rank. But don't ask the "Q" branch what that means. Go Easy There, Sigs. When "Edward" becomes "easy" and "London" becomes "love." what will the signals branch do when a familiar procedure call comes through? Changing an '"orange" to an "oboe" may bring exclamations of surprise, but who can say that the clock goes "tick-tare"? A jay-walker could have no objection to being called a "Johnny," but may annoyed when called a "jigwalker." And when someone says Here s how" when he means "Here's Harry," he rn ay be misunderstood, don't you thiniv? Any self-respecting Brazilian would have cause for anger if told that his country was the place where the "Nan" comes from. Somehow it doesn't sound the same. It all works all right, however, in the new phonetic alphabet.