EXCUSE THE ANSWERS; IT MUST BE THE HEAT

Auckland Star, Volume LXXII, Issue 193, 16 August 1941, Page 4 (Supplement)

EXCUSE THE ANSWERS; IT MUST BE THE HEAT

JOHN LARDNER REPLIES TO HIS FAN MAIL

NEW YORK, June 29

THE Lardner question-box answers the -mail. (Editor's note: All letters received by this department will be tested for fingerprints by the police, in case the writer should turn out to be Malachi W. Switz, wanted in three States for stealing cattle.) Dear Mr. Lardner —Please explain the infield fly rule in baseball, but make it brief, as I am a busy man. —One Who Cares. Answer: Glad to do it. If, before two are out, while first and second or first, second and third bases are occupied—or, in other words, when there are less than two out, but if the umpire judges that the ball might reasonably be caught—this is when there are two or more on base, but somebody has to be on first—the batsman is either out or if the fielder traps the ball Well, friend, you see what I mean. I can't go any further without betraying a confidence. Dear Sir —How long can a man stay under water?— Dark Eyes. Answer: History tells us that in 1699 Captain William Kidd, then in business for himself, experimented with this problem with interesting scientific results. Using a mwnber of his own crew as the subject, he dropped him into 1718 ft of water at room temperature and awaited; developments. Three hours later—some accounts say three hours and twenty minutes—the captain was forced to leave the scene of the experiment in his ship. "He's certainly been down there a h k of a long time," said Kidd to his second in command, employing a familiar nautical oath. "That may be because he was dead when he went down," replied the officer. The news of the seaman's death, caused by a minor throat operation extending from ear to ear, led Kidd to question the value of the experiment. However, dead or alive, as the captain pointed out, he was down there an awful long time. Science is deeply indebted to Kidd.

Dear Mr. Lardner—Since I hit the daily double last week, for 806 dollars, I have had six proposals of marriage. Do you think these men are sincere?— Betty. Answer: I don't think they're kidding. Dear Mr. Lardner—A little group of us Gabby Hartnett fans would like to know:—(a) What is Gabby's lifetime batting average? (b) What colour are his eyes? (c) How is he feel'ng, anyway—Several People. Answer: Gabby (Rowdy Dick) Hartnett was born in Woonsocket, R. 1., at an early age, and was missing for the next twelve years, until a boyhood chum told him how to hit curve balls. Gabby has seldom missed since. Rather than oppose Al Smith, a boyhood chum, for the j Presidency in 1924, Hartnett joined i the Cubs. His dignified bearing soon I won him the nickname of Lippy j Leo, or old Barney, and on the day' when he first scored from third base I on a triple, Chicago was his for the' asking. ! They asked him to give it back ' in December, 1940. Hartnett is also | known as Wahoo Sam, because he! never dropped a foul fly in his life, j I hope that answers your questions. < Dear Sir—What is the procedure I in the case of tie?— Lonely Heart. Answer: Simple enough. After draping the tie around the neck, you loop the larger end over the smaller, j put it through, and slip it into the j knot thus formed. Then draw the j whole thing tight. You must have more important things than that to worry about, Lonely Heart. [ Dear Mr. Gherkin — Whaddya ' know?— Curious. I Answer: Hobart, capital and principal seaport of Tasmania, has a population of 60,762 (Editor's note: That'll hold him.)