WIT AND POLITICS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 224, 22 September 1938, Page 13

WIT AND POLITICS.

ELECTION HUMOUR.

SHOTS FROM THE HUSTINGS.

THE CHAIRMAN WHO ERRED

One chairman said the wrong thing last night, if he really wanted to assist the speaker of the night. There was no need to introduce the speaker, he said. He was right. There was not, judging from the applause with which the candidate was greeted when he rose. But then the chairman said that Mr. X. had been a member of the Select Parliamentary Committees on Industries and Commerce and on Education. "And there," he said, with a sublime emphasis, "his work has been simply indefinable." FREE LEGAL ADVICE. Free legal advice of a reliable nature does not hang on gooseberry bushes. Nevertheless, an opponent received such advice from Mr. O. C. Mazengarb at Point Howard. A lady who objected to an mterjector, to emphasise her protest, laid her hand on the shoulder of the offender, who said: "Keep your hands off me; you have no right to place your hands on me. You as a lawyer know that, Mr. Mazengarb." "Well," said Mr. Mazengarb, "if you want a legal opinion, I will tell you that if the hands are laid on you by way of assault it is an offence, but if it i- done by way of a caress or a sign of endearment, it is no offence." (Laughter, in which the interjector and the lady joined.) "WHITEBAIT MANIFESTO." As for Mr. Hamilton's manifesto, I have little to say about it. One description I heard I would like to pass on, however. It is a little vulgar, but listen to it. It is a whitebait manifesto. It has neither head, nor gut, nor spine.— Mr. C. R. Petrie, Labour candidate for Hauraki, speaking at Howick last night. HARD LABOUR? Mr. H. A. Anderson, Mavor of Mount Albert, who was chairman for Mr. A. S. Richards, Labour candidate for Roskill, had his little joke when introducing the candidate to the electors at Kin« George's Hall last night. "I introduce to you a man who has done seven years . . ." he said—and paused. It was more MiVn a minute before the laughter died down, and, the chairman, without a smile, continued, ". . . in Parliament." A stroii" admirer of Mr. Richards called on', from the back of the hall. "And he's going in for a life stretch this time." And Air. Richards laughed. NEW ZEALAND'S "GIFT" WARSHIP. An alternative to the Government's policy of spending money on air defence, which he described as the most efficient and effective method, was referred to by Mr. W. J. Lyon, M.P. for Waitemata, addressing a meeting at Kelburn. "We could spend another £1,500,000 on a new H.M.S. New Zealand," he said, "but we could not do it honestly, because we have not paid for the old one yet." (Laughter.) "WENT BUNG." I "What happened in Germany will happen in this country," said Mr. Donald Pool, National candidate for Eden, when illustrating to his audience last night the danger of inflation. He said his father went to Germany after the war and changed a £5 note for marks. He received a barrow load.

"By gee, I am going there," came a crisp interjection from the body of the hall, which created laughter. Mr. Pool said that Germany -went through a financial crisis and the country "went hung." The Government had budgeted for £8,000,000 more than taxation would yield for social security, and only one thing could happen—a financial crisis. "You all know it as well as I do," he added amidst applause. t — CANDIDATE'S POSTER DISPLAY. Aided by his chairman, Mr. H. A. Anderson, Mayor of Mount Albert, Mr. A- S. Richards, Labour candidate for Roskill, was seen to be struggling with three large papers that seemed to resent being tacked on the front edge of the chairman's table juet before the meeting opened at King George'* Hall, Mount Albert, last evening. The papers slid this way and that, Mr. Richards standing back to observe the effect and being supplied with tacks and advice by the chairman.

The operation was bo prolonged that some wag at the back of the hall brought the house down by saying, "What about a speech?" Another helpful elector, no doubt with a t view to cleaning up the unemployment problem, suggested, "Why not get an unemployed paperhanger to help?" But Mr. Richards completed the task before commencing his address. What it was all about no one ever found out, though eagle-eyed Pressmen could see that there were two publicity advertisements for the National party and an intriguing picture of what seemed to be a large bear, presumably Russia, being put through its paces by a diminutive person armed with a whip. The candidate did not refer to his decorations again ... but 'twas a famous victory. DEPRECIATION. Criticising the cost of living at his opening meeting last night, Mr. Donald Pool, National candidate for Eden, illustrated his argument by quoting a grocery bill for 13/8 paid by a school teacher at Levin in 1031>. A voice: He went to the wrong shop. Mr. Pool: He went to the right shop this year and the same groceries cost him 19/. How much is the £1 worth to-day compared with 1935T

Voices: We never had a £1 in 1035. (Uproar.)

Mr. Pool: The £1 is aot worth anything like as much as it was in 1935.

Voices: We have more money to spend. A woman's voice: We got our groceries from the Charitable Aid Board then.

Mr. Pool said that if the £1 depreciated to the-same extent in the future as it had during the last three years, the 30/ a week superannuation would not purchase a pound of salt.