THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 167, 18 July 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

The matron of a children's hospital told Uβ tin* one. imrzh repeating. Wilfrid w:is a holy terror and the nurses actually kept as

far away from him as SUMMING IT UP. tliev could, the boy being

f almost beyond control. A lady visitor wae taken to t=ee the child, and was informed of his shocking ill-dieeipline. "Xow, . Wilfrid," she said, '"if you behave yourself for one week, when I shall be here again, I will give you ■ sixpence." Wilfrid iwas quite pop-eyed at the alluring offer. {Returning in a week, ae promised, she said. j'Xow Wilfrid, have you behaved yourself I properly the who'.e week?" "Well, ma'ain, if you give me a penny I think it will be about right," the delinquent replied.—A.A.P.

The otker day I wrote a paragraph" in thie column about a Devonport veteran who wore I the same felt hat every working day—and for many years he worked 6even daye a week — for

LOOKS AFTER 'EM.

15 years and still possee-

sed an umbrella given him 23 years ago. I thought it a pretty good record, but I'm Mowed if he doesn't drop a line to eay that I -didn't tell everything. He says that the hat he wears on Sundays when lie ie all dreeeod up was presented to him juet after the Great War 20 years ago, and that his beet suit he has had since 1925. He winds up his note with: "I look after my clothes. I don't throw things over the end of the bed or on the floor. , '-—Johnny.

JCew Zealanders who complain about interference with the liberty of the subject in this country ought to re.id a description by Vernon McKenzie, journalist, ■of UNKINDEST CUT. Washington, U.S.A., of the

regulations in Germany to keep down the cost of living. "German flour ie no longer real wheat flour," he was told by one hostess in Berlin. "By law it must be mixed with potato flour, corn —and, I suspect, occasionally with wood fibre." "So you don't know about our synthetic products?" inquired mine host, a leading architect. "Well, look at these trousers." I had thought them rather a swagger pair of grey flannels. "They're made or wood—not a thread of wool in them. They've stood up all right, so far, but I haven't been caiifrht in rain yet. A friend tells me to be prepared for a 20 per cent shrinkage." "Even women's dresses are made of wood. Yet to the query of a woman guest at the dinner I could honestly reply that I liked her new dress, and remarked that I was glad to see the style of shorter skirts returning." "Style, mv eye!" exclaimed her husband. "Length and fullness are controlled by law in order to save materials." Men's shirt-tails have also been shortened two inches fore and aft, to effect a national saving, adds the American writer. That eeems the most unkindest cut of all. —Freedom Leaguer.

T have been brooding over the mnch-adver-tised incident of a cat which went from Xew Zealand to London in a freezing chamber. The unfortunate feline arrived

FOR LADIES. in England with frost

bitten paws, ears, etc. "How did pussy manage to get food on the voyage?" The a-.iewer comes from the village half-wit who simpered, "By lickin , 'is chops.*' This brings me to a serious subject. I have never as yet dared to. submit a recipe to that exclusive column devoted to the culinary art, yet secretly I have on occasions evolved the most potent and delectable of dishes. May I quote one for the benefit of fish-lovers? Fillets of partly-boiled piper are shuffled up with lightly-boiled oyetens. Pour a beaten egg over the mixture and fry the whole conglomeration. The result is, or should be, a very tasty fritter. I was telling some people this recipe recently and someone chipped in, "But where do I get the piper?" A London gentleman in the party answered. "Buy it at the 'Star' office."— B.C.H.

On the way into the city this morning a fellow toiler sharing a eeat drew my attention to what he described as the disgraceful state

of the cemeteries in THE EPITAPH. Symonde Street. "For-

gotten men," he said. "Forgotten ie right." He wanted to know why men at present drawing sustenance could not be given the work of cleaning up the graves and paths, and polishing up the tombstones. He ventured the opinion that the work would not be hard, in fact, a echo.olboy could do it. Maybe he was right. A cemetery hae no fascination for me, dead or alive, but I know there are some people who like to wander among the tombstones reading the epitaphs. Time was when eome rather clever epitaplw could be found on headstones, but people are more serioue nowadays and seem content to have an inscription reading "In Loving Memory of My Dear Husband," followed by the date of his demise. There ie an epitaph on a tombstone in a Dunblane churchyard which reader—

Remember, man. as you pass by. As you are now, so once warf I. As I am now, soon you must be. Prepare you then, to follow me. And beneath the above someone hae scrawled To follow you I'm not content. Until I know which way you wfnt! —Johnny.

Oh, tikis is the beet episcopal jest thSt e'er amused a. startled nation; to colonise beneath these skies, the Jape are coming—by invitation. Why try, we ask. the A WOLF TO Chinese task, when there GUARD THE FOLD, are loss resistant races; here in N.Z. 3-011 will be led to occupy our vacant spaces. There's so much land we have on hand that we can never uee with profit, which might with toil pr'wluce some eoil you Japanese would never scoff at; eo, come you Jape, and when perhajw through back-blocks lands you take a ramble, to each we'll hand his bit of land—two roods of ragwort and of bramble. Our countryside, now occupied with smiling farms, you must not covet, but rather seek the hillsides bleak and scrub-infeeted slopes —you'll love it. So come along, five millions strong, and bring your eweethearte, wivee ami mothers; when warclouds brew we'll look to you to keep at bay your yellow brothers. —Sinbad.

Customs officials at Debreczin. Hungary, have refused to wear moustaches. They have petitioned for the abolition of a law of ISOO

which forbids them to BEARD OPTIONAL, shave the upper lip anl

which allows a full beard .at the official's discretion. Concerning the above. F. G. H. Saulsbury. in the "Dailv Herald," London, breaks, into rhyme as follow*:

Hungarian Customs officials Have risen in rabid revolt At wearing moustaches. those old-time panschfs Which mnrked a prrown man from a colt. And more—tliousrli a law hns been quoted. A steadfast is O:ired By all at Dobreczin to nufile their necks in A beautiful optional beard.

Clean shaving is now all the fnshion: A man is nof .indued hv Ins 'Twas ever a fable. Smooth chins were unable To lay out their foes with a welt — So say the excited officials Whose summarised protests aver. "Moustaches be nicklcd! The srirls arc not tickled By same, in the way that they were."